Member Article

5 Ways to Preserve Quality Time with Your Kids After Divorce

Steven Unruh, MDiv, LMFT

Divorce is never easy, especially when kids are involved. The challenges of maintaining a meaningful relationship with your children post-divorce can feel insurmountable. Imagine this: Sarah, a mother of two, finds herself in a new home with a custody schedule that leaves her feeling disconnected from her kids. She notices the emotional gap growing wider with each passing day. The story could be different, and there’s a way to make it better.

The Problem: Divorce introduces numerous challenges that can impact the quality time you spend with your kids.

Logistical Issues: Shared custody schedules often disrupt the daily routine and reduce spontaneous, quality moments with your children. Research shows that children in joint custody arrangements often feel stressed due to frequent transitions between homes.

Financial Strain: The economic impact of divorce can limit the resources available for family activities.

Emotional Turmoil: Parents often experience feelings of guilt, inadequacy, and fear of losing their bond with their children. This emotional struggle can make it hard to be fully present during the time they do have together.

Stress and Anxiety: Constant worries about the future, co-parenting conflicts, and legal battles can leave parents emotionally drained, affecting their interactions with their kids.

Unfairness to the Children: It feels fundamentally wrong that children should suffer the most because of a situation beyond their control. They deserve a stable, loving environment, and it’s unfair that divorce often robs them of this.

But it doesn’t have to be this way. There is a different path.

5 Ways to Preserve Quality Time with Your Kids After Divorce

As Steven Unruh, a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience, I’ve seen countless families navigate the rocky terrain of post-divorce life. I care deeply about helping parents maintain a strong, loving connection with their children. Here’s how you can preserve quality time and build a healthy relationship post-divorce.

1. Prioritize Consistent Routines

Establishing a consistent routine helps children feel secure and know what to expect, which is crucial during times of change. Regular meal times, bedtime rituals, and weekly activities can provide stability.

2. Communicate Effectively

Open and honest communication is key. Let your kids express their feelings and reassure them that both parents are there for them. Tools like family meetings or shared journals can facilitate this process.

3. Be Fully Present

Quality time isn’t just about being physically present. Put away distractions like phones and work, and engage in activities that your children enjoy. Whether it’s playing a game, reading together, or just talking, make those moments count.

4. Plan Special Activities

Despite financial constraints, planning special, low-cost activities can make a big difference. Simple outings like picnics, hikes, or movie nights at home can create lasting memories. Research from the Journal of Marriage and Family highlights that meaningful, shared activities can strengthen family bonds.

5. Use Technology Wisely

When physical presence isn’t possible, leverage technology. Video calls, messaging apps, and online games can help maintain the connection. A study by the American Academy of Pediatrics found that children benefit from regular virtual contact with non-custodial parents.

What’s Next?

Some might feel that these strategies are too simplistic or that their situation is too complex for such solutions. However, every little step towards maintaining a connection with your children can have a profound impact. It’s about making the effort, consistently and compassionately.

Divorce doesn’t have to mean the end of quality time with your kids. With commitment and the right strategies, you can build a strong, loving relationship that endures the challenges of post-divorce life. If you’re struggling to navigate this journey, I’m here to help. As an experienced divorce mediator, I can guide you through creating a plan that works for your family.

Take the first step towards preserving your precious bond with your children. Contact me today for a consultation, and let’s work together to ensure your children feel loved and secure, now and in the future.

Steven Unruh, MA, MDiv, is a Divorce Mediator and LMFT. He and his team at Unruh Mediation complete the entire divorce process, including all assets, pensions, properties, alimony and child support—along with all required documentation. Unruh Mediation files in 13 different courthouses throughout Southern California. Website: stevenunruh.com.