Why We Are Anxious About Getting Back to “Normal” 

I write this article in late April 2021, at a point in time where at least half of Americans have received at least one shot. This means, presumably, that by the time this article is published on June 1, at least half of Americans will be fully vaccinated, and certainly many more will have the 80% coverage afforded by just the first shot. Herd immunity is imminent.  

Hip hip hooray! We can begin to go back to normal life again! Except . . . this is not what I am seeing in my therapy practice. Now that the long-awaited moment is nigh, people are apprehensive about returning to some of the activities they engaged in pre-covid. How can this be true? After over a year of severely restricting our interactions with others, why are so many people worried about what the future holds? 

First the Positive 

One of the most striking effects I have noticed of the COVID pandemic is that it has led many people to re-evaluate what is important in their lives. 

WORK
Some people realized how much of a drain that daily commute to work was, and are now looking for any way possible to continue their remote work plan. Others realized how important those little interactions with their co-workers are to keep them happy and engaged in their job, or that without an environment solely dedicated to work, they are easily distracted from their own intended work activities. 

FAMILY
Many people realize how important it actually is to share holidays and significant events with their extended family, even if in the beforetimes they were constantly annoyed by having to fly across the country to see everyone. On the other hand, some people who had previously spent every holiday with relatives or in-laws found out how much they enjoy hosting their own Christmas or Passover. 

FRIENDS
With almost all of our interactions with friends occurring on video for months on end, many realized that they could easily reconnect with friends all over the globe. It became possible to spend time with the friends we chose, rather than friends who were simply geographically desirable. This is especially apparent in Los Angeles, where geographically desirable often means a radius of only about 10 miles. 

TIME
Perhaps one of the most interesting effects of a year of pandemic restrictions is the way we came to view time. Pretty early on most of us began noticing that one day simply blended into the next, and it was hard to distinguish Tuesday from Friday, or even from Saturday. Our time was in many ways ours to plan as we wished, and so we were required to decide what it was we actually wished to do. 

Most of us had a few false starts—Work all the time? Sure, not much else to do. Then . . . burnout. Or—Stay up all night binge-watching Netflix? Sure, it finally feels like “my time.” Then . . . chronic sleep deprivation just made it not worth it. Eventually we mostly figured out how we want to spend our time in a way that matters. 

What’s the Downside? 

Now that we are clearer on the things that are truly important to us, a return to “normalcy” means that we may surprise people with some of the new choices we make. And these people may not be so happy about the changes. People, in general, are not happy about changes. 

Work
Many people are prepared to insist on some combo of remote and in-person work—or change jobs. If the boss is inflexible about this, it seems silly not to confront them with some obvious reasons why it can work. And yet, even will all the facts on our side, most of us would much rather avoid this confrontation. 

As therapists we may have decided that teletherapy is the way to go, and now we need to convince our clients that this is beneficial for them as well. And we probably need to explore a whole new way of marketing. Sigh. 

Family
After a year of not visiting those relatives you really can’t stand, you may be more motivated to continue this pattern. But how to do this in the least offensive way, or, at least, in a way that doesn’t piss off the relatives you actually like? Or will you decide to just suck it up and do your best to ignore bad behavior at the next family gathering? Somehow it seems like much more of a conscious choice now, rather than the default. Everything is more intentional these days. 

Friends
This is the big one! With whom do we really want to spend our time? And will they still want to spend time with us? It seems like everything is up for grabs. Additionally, many of my clients who were very social in the beforetimes are suddenly worried that they will now be awkward in larger social gatherings. 

CONCLUSION
As we return to normal, we have a giant chance for a “fresh start.” In many ways, this is a terrific opportunity. Studies have shown that having a fresh start makes it much easier to change old habits. 

Obviously, this can also be seen as a burden. It’s a big responsibility to live your life according to your values. It’s so easy to let things just slide along and go with the flow. Now that we have a chance to shape how we want to interact with the world, we need to not only identify what we want, but we may also have to fight for it. This can be a daunting prospect! 

The gift that this return to “normal” gives us is the chance to be more intentional about our lives. When we can help our clients reframe the changes this way, it can ease their anxiety. After all, they can intentionally try to change things, or they can choose to intentionally go with the flow. Making the choice is what makes all the difference.

Amy McManus, LMFT, helps anxious young adults build healthy new relationships with themselves and others after a breakup. Amy’s blog, “Life Hacks,” offers practical tips for thriving in today’s crazy plugged-in world. Learn more about Amy from her website www.thrivetherapyla.com.