Member Article

Assembling Your Divorce Dream Team

Steven Unruh, MDiv, LMFT

Picture this: You’re standing at a crossroads, your heart heavy with the weight of a decision you never thought you’d have to make. Divorce. It’s a word that carries so much more than just its definition. It’s a seismic shift, a redefining of your life’s path, and it can leave you feeling lost and overwhelmed. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

The Problem

Divorce is a profound life upheaval, far beyond legalities and paperwork. The legal complexities, emotional turmoil, and financial strains can be overwhelming, compounded by feelings of failure, loss, and uncertainty about the future. It challenges our core beliefs about love, commitment, and life’s fairness. Yet, amidst this turmoil, there’s a beacon of hope: assembling your divorce team. This team, comprising professionals like lawyers, therapists, and financial advisors, can provide the support and guidance needed to navigate this challenging time. With the right team by your side, you can find clarity, confidence, and a path forward to rebuild your life with purpose and resilience.

A Guide to Your Divorce Team

As a divorce mediator with over 30 years of experience, I’m here to guide you. By assembling a team of professionals to support you, you can navigate the complexities of divorce with clarity and confidence.

The Lawyer

When considering who to have on your divorce team, hiring a lawyer often comes to mind first. While this is a common choice, there are both benefits and drawbacks to consider.

On the positive side, a lawyer will advocate solely for your interests. You can express your desires for the divorce settlement, and your lawyer will work to either achieve them or provide realistic explanations if they might not be attainable. If the divorce becomes contentious and court appearances are necessary, your lawyer is well-versed in the law and court system, sparing you the stress of navigating bureaucracy alone.

However, lawyers can be extremely costly. There is typically an initial retainer fee, along with an average hourly rate that can be substantial. By the conclusion of the process, lawyer-led divorces can cost tens of thousands of dollars per person. It’s not uncommon for couples to spend a hefty sum before turning to mediation as a more cost-effective alternative.

It’s important to note that you can add a lawyer to your team at any point during the divorce process. Just because you don’t hire one initially doesn’t mean you can’t seek their advice later on. Lawyers can also be involved in various ways that many people might not be aware of, a topic your mediator can help clarify.

The Therapist

Divorce can exact a heavy toll on your emotional well-being. A therapist or counselor can offer invaluable support and guidance to help you navigate the emotional challenges that come with it. They can provide a safe space for you to express your feelings, process your emotions, and develop coping strategies to manage the stress and uncertainty that divorce brings.

A therapist can also help you gain insight into your relationship patterns and personal growth, empowering you to heal and move forward in a healthy and constructive way. Their professional guidance can be instrumental in helping you rebuild your life and embrace a brighter future post-divorce.

The Financial Advisor

Divorce often carries substantial financial implications. A financial advisor can play a crucial role in helping you comprehend your financial standing, strategize for the future, and make well-informed decisions regarding your finances. They can assist in assessing your assets, liabilities, and financial needs, enabling you to develop a realistic budget and financial plan post-divorce.

Additionally, a financial advisor can offer guidance on tax implications, retirement planning, and investment strategies tailored to your new circumstances. Their expertise can help you navigate the complexities of divorce-related finances with confidence, ensuring that you make sound financial choices that align with your long-term goals.

By working with a financial advisor, you can gain peace of mind knowing that your financial future is in capable hands as you embark on this new chapter of your life.

Friends and Family

Your friends and family can be a crucial source of emotional support and encouragement during the challenging period of divorce. Don’t hesitate to lean on them for support, as they can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on, and practical help when needed. Sharing your feelings and experiences with loved ones can provide comfort and reassurance, reminding you that you are not alone in this journey.

Their unwavering support can help you navigate the emotional ups and downs of divorce, providing a sense of stability and connection during a tumultuous time. By allowing your friends and family to be there for you, you can strengthen your relationships and find solace in the love and support of those closest to you.

The Mediator

Mediation offers a compelling alternative to conventional divorce litigation. It enables you to collaborate with a neutral mediator to address key issues like custody, support, and property division. This approach fosters open communication and empowers both parties to find mutually agreeable solutions, often more efficiently and cost-effectively than litigation.

Mediation also allows for more flexible and creative outcomes tailored to your unique circumstances, promoting a more amicable and less adversarial process. By choosing mediation, you retain greater control over the outcome of your divorce and can avoid the acrimony and expense associated with courtroom battles. It’s a constructive way to navigate the complexities of divorce, prioritizing cooperation and understanding as you transition to the next chapter of your life.

You Aren’t Alone

You might be thinking, “But I don’t want to drag my friends and family into this,” or “I can’t afford to hire a team of professionals.” The truth is, your friends and family want to support you, and there are affordable options available, such as sliding scale fees for therapists and free consultations with lawyers.

As you navigate the complexities of divorce, remember that you don’t have to do it alone. By assembling a team of professionals to support you, you can navigate this challenging time with confidence and clarity. Reach out to me today to learn more about how mediation can benefit you and your family. Together, we can pave the way for a brighter future.

Steven Unruh, MA, MDiv, is a Divorce Mediator and LMFT. He and his team at Unruh Mediation complete the entire divorce process, including all assets, pensions, properties, alimony and child support—along with all required documentation. Unruh Mediation files in 13 different courthouses throughout Southern California. Website: stevenunruh.com.