5 Ways to Protect Your Child from the Negative Effects of Divorce

Remember that morning you sent your child off to school, kissed their cheek, and promised to protect them from all harm? Now, you find yourself in the eye of the divorce storm, grappling with the question, “What will this mean for my child?” The grim reality is that 50% of American marriages end in divorce, leaving countless children caught in the crossfire. But what if there was a different path? One that shielded your child from the brunt of the storm? 

The Triple-Edged Problem of Divorce
Divorce isn’t just about the legal dissolution of marriage. For children, it’s a three-fold problem. Firstly, there’s the disruption of their daily routines, changes in living arrangements, and even potential school shifts. Next comes the emotional distress and confusion they experience, as the stability they’ve known is pulled from under their feet. Lastly, there’s the seeming injustice of inflicting pain on the innocent bystanders in the crossfire – our children. But it doesn’t have to be this way. 

5 Ways to Mitigate the Effects of Divorce on Children
As a divorce mediator with more than three decades of experience. I’ve witnessed the struggle firsthand and dedicated my life to easing the process for families. Here are five critical points I’ve learned about mitigating the effects of divorce on children. 

1. Encourage Open Communication
In the midst of a divorce, it’s essential to foster a space where open communication is not only encouraged but welcomed. Recent statistics underscore the importance of this, showing that children who are able to express their feelings regarding the divorce generally fare better emotionally. The upheaval that accompanies this life-altering event can be made more manageable when they are assured their voices are heard. 

Be sure to answer their questions with honesty, addressing their concerns without concealing the reality of the situation. Simultaneously, offer them a steady foundation of reassurance. Remind them that despite the changes that are unfolding, your love for them remains unchanging. This nurturing environment of open dialogue can prove invaluable in helping your child navigate the emotional waters of divorce. 

2. Co-Parenting Matters
According to the American Psychological Association, children with a healthy relationship with both parents adjust better post-divorce. As parents, it’s crucial to set aside personal differences, maintain civility, and uphold mutual respect when interacting with each other. This isn’t solely for the sake of appearances; it’s a key step in ensuring your children’s well-being during the transition. Nurturing these relationships and promoting a cooperative co-parenting environment can make a significant difference in your child’s post-divorce adjustment. 

3. Stick to Routines
During the turbulent times of divorce, the comfort of routines can provide an invaluable sense of security to your child. Familiar habits, from the simple morning rituals to the bedtime stories, offer consistency in a world that might seem suddenly unstable to them. These routines act as anchor points in their day, offering reassurance that not everything in their life is changing. Therefore, strive to keep any disruptions to these routines at a bare minimum. Maintaining consistency, while managing the necessary shifts, can help provide your child with a much-needed sense of stability and normalcy amidst the changes that divorce brings.

4. Don’t Shy Away from Professional Help
When faced with the emotional tumult of divorce, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. Therapists and counselors are trained to guide individuals, especially children, through the complexities of their feelings. They can offer your child a safe, neutral space to express their emotions freely, without the fear of judgment or misunderstanding. 

This external perspective can be instrumental in helping them understand and navigate their emotional journey during this challenging time. It can allow them to voice their fears, their confusion, and their pain, paving the way for healing and adjustment. Engaging professional help can be a valuable step in ensuring your child’s emotional well-being during and after the divorce process. 

5. Consider Divorce Mediation
As you navigate the landscape of divorce, it’s worth considering the route of mediation. It’s not just an alternative to the traditional legal process; it’s a pathway that fosters communication, compromise, and mutual respect. Renowned psychologist Robert Emery, Ph.D., underscores this in his research, which shows that mediation can lead to improved long-term co-parenting relationships and significantly reduced conflict. This, in turn, fosters a healthier, more stable environment for your children to thrive in. 

Instead of being caught in the crossfire of contention, they can grow in a space of understanding and cooperation. Therefore, exploring the option of divorce mediation could be a significant step towards preserving your child’s well-being through the divorce process and beyond.

What Now?
Picture this: a year from now, your child, smiling, thriving, secure in the knowledge that their parents, despite their differences, have prioritized their well-being. This future is possible. Divorce doesn’t have to shatter your child’s world.

Take control today. Explore how divorce mediation can provide a smoother transition for your family, focusing on what matters most – your child’s wellbeing.

Don’t let fear or uncertainty hold you back. Reach out today and discover how mediation can provide a constructive, compassionate pathway through divorce. Because your child deserves no less

Steven Unruh is a Divorce Mediator and LMFT. He completes the entire divorce process along with all the documentation. He files in 13 different courthouse throughout Southern California. Website: stevenunruh.com.

LA-CAMFT Therapists of Color Mentorship Program: Call for Therapist of Color (TOC) Mentors

During our “Anti-Racism as a Movement, Not a Moment” Roundtable in August 2020, we came together as a therapeutic community to discuss and address racism and discrimination. We collaborated on what LA-CAMFT can do to be an actively and overtly anti-racist community. We specifically identified needed supports that we as therapists of color and as a therapeutic community wanted to see provided. One of the many needed supports identified was a Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program.

In January 2021 a group of students, associates and licensed therapists of color formed the Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program Committee and met on a monthly basis to discuss and begin the creation of this program. The committee spent quality time on the purpose statement, guidelines, interest form, marketing, launch date, and more. The development of the program are the contributions of the following committee participants: Akiah Selwa, Destiny Campron, Jenni Villegas Wilson, Leanne Nettles, Lucy Sladek, Maisha Gainer, Matthew Fernandez, Nehemiah Campbell, Perla Hollow, Rachell Alger, Raven Barrow, Stara Shakti, and Tina Cacho Sakai.

The LA-CAMFT Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program exists to help address inequities experienced by professional mental health therapists of color and intersections with other historically marginalized groups. The first of its kind amongst CAMFT chapters, LA-CAMFT is committed to ensuring quality mentorship for therapists of color by therapists of color. The mentorship program is intended to help bridge the gap of identifying and creating opportunities for growth and advancement in the field, guide clinicians across various stages of professional development, increase accessibility and sustainability in the field, and assist therapists of color to confidently provide services from their culturally authentic self.  

At this time, we are Calling for Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentors who are committed to this mission and more:

• Qualifications: Licensed in the State of CA (LMFT, LCSW, LPCC, PSYD, etc) 
• Commitment: 6 to 12 months with the option to continue independently.
• Frequency: 1x per month or mutually agreed-upon schedule of meetings, which may occur via phone, virtual platform, email exchanges, or face-to-face meetings.
• Types of Mentorship Relationships: 1-on-1 and/or group mentorship (your choice) .
• Mentors do not need to be LA-CAMFT Members. 

Interest Form Due Dates and Mentorship Start Dates: 

• 6-month Mentorship duration is from June 1st — November 30, 2023. 

Interest forms submitted before or after the listed dates above will not be considered during the matching process. 

Here are some of the many rewards for being a Therapist of Color (TOC) Mentor:

• Guide, teach, and inspire the next generation of TOC mental health professionals.
• Establish and promote a culture of support within our profession.
• Build intergenerational relationships.
• Contribute to new developments in the field.
• Receive LA-CAMFT benefits for volunteering your time, knowledge and wisdom. 

If you are interested in becoming a Therapist of Color (TOC) Mentor, would like to receive more information and/or receive the Interest Form, reach out to us at tocmentorshipprogram@lacamft.org. 

With Gratitude and Solidarity, 

LA-CAMFT Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program Committee

LA-CAMFT’s Declaration
of Inclusion, Diversity, and Anti-Racism

Psychotherapy can be transformative in a democratic society, and can open intellectual inquiry that, at its best, influences and results in lasting positive change. In recognition of our shared humanity and concern for our community and world, LA-CAMFT loudly and overtly disavows all racism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, classism, ableism, ageism, and hate speech or actions that attempt to silence, threaten, and degrade others. We in LA-CAMFT leadership hereby affirm our solidarity with those individuals and groups most at risk and further declare that embracing diversity and fostering inclusivity are central to the mission of our organization.

As mental health professionals, we value critical reasoning, evidence-based arguments, self-reflection, and the imagination. We hope to inspire empathy, advocate for social and environmental justice, and provide an ethical framework for our clients, our community, and ourselves.

We in LA-CAMFT leadership are committed to:

(1) the recognition, respect, and affirmation of differences among peoples

(2) challenging oppression and structural and procedural inequities that exist in society, generally, and in local therapeutic, agency, and academic settings

(3) offering diverse programming content and presenters throughout our networking event calendar, as well as in our workshops, trainings, and special events

While we traverse the turbulent seas of the important and necessary changes taking place in our country, in order to form a “more perfect union.” we wish to convey our belief that within our community exists an immense capacity for hope. We believe in and have seen how psychotherapy, therapeutic relationships, and mental health professions can be agents of positive change, without ignoring or denying that the practice and business of psychiatry, psychology, and psychotherapy have historically been the cause of great harm, trauma, and emotional toll, particularly for people of color and other marginalized groups. We are committed to doing our part to help remedy that which we have the position, privilege, and/or resources to do so.

At LA-CAMFT events, all members are welcome regardless of race/ethnicity, gender identities, gender expressions, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, age, disabilities, religion, regional background, Veteran status, citizenship, status, nationality and other diverse identities that we each bring to our professions. We expect that leadership and members will promote an atmosphere of respect for all members of our community.

In a diverse community, the goal of inclusiveness encourages and appreciates expressions of different ideas, opinions, and beliefs, so that potentially divisive conversations and interactions become opportunities for intellectual and personal growth. LA-CAMFT leadership wants to embrace this opportunity to create and maintain inclusive and safe spaces for all of our members, free of bias, discrimination, and harassment, where people will be treated with respect and dignity and where all individuals are provided equitable opportunity to participate, contribute, and succeed.

We value your voice in this process. If you feel that our leadership or programming falls short of this commitment, we encourage you to get involved, and to begin a dialogue with those in leadership. It is undeniable that the success of LA-CAMFT relies on the participation, support, and understanding of all its members.

Wishing good health to you and yours, may you find yourself centered in feelings of abundance, safety, belonging, and peace.

Standing together,
The LA-CAMFT Board of Directors and Diversity Committee

Voices Publication Guidelines for 2023

Calling all community writers and contributors!

Are you searching for a unique platform to express your passions and showcase your expertise in the Marriage and Family Therapy field? Look no further, as we welcome your input!

Following are the due dates and publication guidelines for submitting articles and ads for the 2023 calendar year to Voices, LA-CAMFT's monthly newsletter:

Upcoming Voices Newsletters	Submission Deadlines
January 2024	December 1

 

 

LA-CAMFT Publishing Guidelines for Voices

• All submissions are DUE by the 1ST of each month.
  • Around the 15th of each month, you will receive the editor’s call for articles for the next edition of VOICES.
  • This editor’s call will allow contributors to have up to 2 weeks to put together all the material for submission by the 1st of the month.
  • Around the 25th of each month, you will receive the editor’s second and last call for articles, reminding contributors to submit completed articles by the first should they wish to be included in VOICES.
  • In this last call for submissions, the editor will include a list of the content planned for the next edition of VOICES. This editorial list will note submissions received as well as submissions expected but not yet received and which must be received by the 1st in order to be included.
  • Any submissions received after the 1st, will be included in the following month's edition of VOICES.
• ARTICLES are 500–1000 word submissions by LA-CAMFT members, sponsors, speakers, or recognized experts in their field. Only universal file formats, like Word (.doc and docx.) will be accepted as submissions. If an article is submitted in a “.pages” format, it will be returned to the submitter.
• HYPERLINKS in articles must be individually typed into the body of the article by the writer and must be included at time of submission. It is the responsibility of each writer to “type in” the hyperlink(s) in their own work when the article is submitted. Putting “LIVE LINK” in the body of an article won't work. When multiple links are being included, this must be made clear by the writer as to where each link is to be featured.
• IMAGES: All personal headshots or images must be attached to an email as either a JPEG, PNG or TIF. Images pasted into an email are not acceptable since the quality of such photos is diminished. Any images received in the body of the email may result in delayed publication of the submission.
• AUTHOR TAGLINES: Author taglines are a short paragraph of 50 to 75 words after the end of the article in which the author is identified. It includes the author's full name, pertinent professional credentials, a short business description, and website address with a HYPERLINK. Email addresses and phone numbers are not included — the only exceptions are lacamft.org emails. All taglines are limited to 75 words, MAXIMUM. This word count includes the author's name and website.
• IMAGES OTHER THAN PERSONAL HEADSHOTS. There is an issue about images. When you submit an image other than a personal headshot, you must provide proof of how you obtained that photo. Following is a link that covers the importance of copyright issues, but especially so when it comes to anything “Internet.” (Sued for Copyright Infringement)
• AN ARTICLE MAY CONTAIN:
  • Helpful tips, strategies, analysis, and other specific useful clinical, educational, business or professional marketing or networking information.
  • A review of literature or arts (reviewer not related to or in business with the creator of the item being reviewed).
• AN ARTICLE MAY NOT CONTAIN:
  • Reference to commercial products or services being sold or distributed by author;
  • Information that is only useful if the author’s book or other materials are purchased
  • Suggestions that the reader attend the author’s workshop, conference or podcast for more information;
  • Any other material that could be construed as an advertisement, rather than an article;
  • Language that could be construed as defamatory, discriminatory, or offensive.