Christina “Tina” Cacho Sakai, LMFT
President, LA-CAMFT

Love Story

It is such a privilege to spotlight LA-CAMFT Leaders - Sponsorship Chair, Darlene Basch LCSW and Past President and Village Elder, Jonathan Flier LMFT! Not only are they prominent leaders of LA-CAMFT, they recently celebrated 7 years of marriage and have a love story intertwined with LA-CAMFT. They first met at a LA-CAMFT event, got to know each other by volunteering in leadership and both share a love for LA-CAMFT. 

Darlene Basch, LCSW attended her first LA-CAMFT event in 2013 and met the President at the time, Jonathan Flier, who unbeknownst to her would be her future husband. Darlene regularly attended the Psychology and Spirituality Group and at the 2013 Holiday Party was asked to run the LA-CAMFT Networking Events. Darlene officially joined the LA-CAMFT Board of Directors in 2014 as Networking Chair and held that role for 6 years and describes it being one of her highlights to being a LA-CAMFT Leader. Alongside getting to know, spending time with, and marrying her husband, Jonathan Flier. In 2020, Darlene became the Membership Chair and later the Sponsorship Chair. Darlene has dedicated 9 years as a LA-CAMFT Leader and even though will be stepping down from the Board of Directors the end of this year has offered to be in a supportive role as needed. LA-CAMFT thanks Darlene for her commitment to LA-CAMFT all these years. 

Darlene’s “why” to being a LA-CAMFT Leader:

• Community and settings to bring people together.
• Events like the first holiday party I attended where I met such a great group of people.
• Supporting therapists on all levels from trainees to old timers.

Darlene’s “highlights” to being a LA-CAMFT Leader:

• Fun I had organizing the Networking Events and getting people involved.
• Bringing in new people into leadership roles through the networking events.
• Meeting and spending time with my husband Jonathan Flier.

Darlene’s “hopes and dreams” for LA-CAMFT:

• Stay the course and continue to evolve diversity on every level: Race, culture, age, gender, etc.
• Continue and build upon the Diversity Committee Support Groups, Grant Program and Mentorship Program.

Jonathan Flier, LMFT attended his first LA-CAMFT meeting in 2006, became the Newsletter Editor and was struck by the lack of community feel. Looking for other options, he became a board member of Santa Monica-West LA AAMFT where he met Lynne Azpeitia and Karen Wilson, the SM-WLA Founders, who would later assist in revamping LA-CAMFT. In 2008, LA-CAMFT was on a decline due to not having a leader and it’s at this time Jonathan stepped in to be President on the condition that he would not do it alone. Jonathan sent out a notice to all therapists in the Los Angeles area who were CAMFT Members advertising that the Los Angeles Chapter is being reborn and invited them to a meeting to share their ideas of what they would like it to look like. Thirty people showed up, shared their ideas and they broke down seven things they needed to make happen. From there Jonathan and other leaders re-created a board of directors where they held meetings at people’s houses and Factor’s Deli. They found a location at the Beverly Hills Country Club where they held regular Networking Events that included breakfast, presentations, literature table and networking opportunities. Jonathan was LA-CAMFT President for 5 years and continues to be a prominent leader today.

Jonathan’s “why” to being a LA-CAMFT Leader:

• “I am a gatherer” and have a long history of organizing and bringing people together.
• “You don’t abandon your children” and LA-CAMFT is my baby in that sense. I nurtured it, I grew it and I want to be there for it. “You also have to launch your babies and watch them make their own babies”.
• I am the “Village Elder” and my role is to protect the culture of diversity, inclusion, equality and its sense of community.

Jonathan’s “highlights” to being a LA-CAMFT Leader:

• Under Randi Gottlieb’s presidency, I was designated the “village elder” and was celebrated for what I did to revamp LA-CAMFT and how I did it. During the celebration, I was given a stone by each attendee who shared how LA-CAMFT changed their life. I was also given a staff with a gandalf which symbolized my role. The celebration was one of the “highlights of my life”.   
• Watching everything grow, watching people come together and watching people come in as students, become licensed and become president.
• Attracting therapists of color into leadership and have LA-CAMFT be a place for them to flourish.

Jonathan’s “hopes and dreams” for LA-CAMFT:

• It continues and feels like it’s a thriving community where people can come together.
• Is a place for therapists to come together and stand up to fear and create hope and feel nourished and resourced with the work we do as health care workers.
• Generations working together and that “traditions have a voice but not a veto.”
• Continue to integrate diversity and gather all together.

Special thank you to Darlene and Jonathan for sharing your love for LA-CAMFT with the broader LA-CAMFT Community! If you would like to get in contact with either of them you could find them here: https://lacamft.org/Board-of-Directors-2023. If you are interested in leadership opportunities, please email me directly at President@lacamft.org

Hope to connect soon! 

Christina “Tina” Cacho Sakai, LMFT

Christina "Tina" Cacho Sakai, LMFT (she/her) is a Latinx (Mexican-American) psychotherapist in private practice and a former community based therapist, clinical supervisor, associate director, and adjunct faculty at CSULA. She provides psychotherapy in a culturally responsive, LGBTQIA+ affirming and social justice-oriented atmosphere. Treatment specializations include healing from trauma, processing grief and loss, exploring creativity, and honoring full intersectional identities. She is currently in the BIPOC Somatic Experiencing Training Certificate Program.

presents

Neurodiversity-Affirming Assessment and Counseling for Kids, Teens, and Adults with ADHD

Friday, December 1, 2023
11:00 am-1:00 pm

2 CE Credits

Online Via Zoom

Neurodiversity-Affirming Assessment and Counseling for Kids, Teens, and Adults with ADHD

Dr. Laurie Ferguson, PsyD

Your adult clients may ask if you think they might have ADHD, or a parent may wonder if their child or teen might be an ADHD'er. There has been a massive shift in our understanding of ADHD across the lifespan. Previous approaches focused on "fixing" and "curing," and we found this disease model simply doesn't work, leaving clients and families (and therapists) frustrated. In this presentation, we are shifting to using a client's strengths to develop supports so that clients with ADHD can reach their potential in school, college, work, home, and relationships.

Event Details: Friday, December 1, 2023, 11:00 am-1:00 pm (PT)
Where: Online Via Zoom

After you register you will be emailed a Zoom link the Thursday before the presentation.

More information and register today by clicking the Register Here button below.

Register Here

Getting Paid: Are You Spending Enough Time Doing Things To Build Your Practice & Add To Your Income?

When was the last time you measured the total number of hours you spent on practice building—income, referral source, client generation, and income generating projects?

Are you spending enough time each week doing things that build your practice, add to your income, and ensure that your practice is sustainable?

I’m sure it won’t surprise you to find out that when the majority of clinicians start their private practice at first they spend A LOT of time, energy, and attention on client, income, and referral source generation.

However, once things are in place, these very same counselors seem to end up spending the bulk of their time doing all those things that keep the practice running—seeing clients, making intake calls, answering the phone, responding to emails and texts, making appointments, writing client notes, doing the books, filing taxes, etc.—and then find that they are only spending a small amount of time on practice building and new income generation—networking, marketing, speaking, being active in their professional association, and more.

While doing these everyday things does keep the practice going, those are hours spent on practice functions not on business and practice building activities. Practice and business building activities and hours are those spent gaining more business opportunities, clients, referral sources, and income.

To be profitable and sustainable, a successful private practice needs both business and practice building hours as well as hours that function to keep the practice going.

As you can see, you’ll won’t ever have the practice you desire if you don’t spend enough time building the next iteration of it.

Think it might be a good time for you to look at your schedule and adjust it in relation to your practice needs and goals?

To do that, ask yourself these two questions:

1. Am I stuck spending too much of my time in the day-to-day functions of my practice?
2. Am I spending enough time each week in building and working towards the new things needed for my practice to thrive and sustain itself? Things like better marketing, branding, networking, writing a blog or newsletter, social media posting, a new money-making project, or more?

I encourage you to look at your practice and business building hours and compare them to the hours you spend running and maintaining your practice—the practice function hours–and see if it makes sense to you to make an adjustment.

Then do it and see what happens.

Lynne Azpeitia, LMFT, AAMFT Approved Supervisor, is in private practice in Santa Monica where she works with Couples and Gifted, Talented, and Creative Adults across the lifespan. Lynne’s been doing business and clinical coaching with mental health professionals for more than 15 years, helping professionals develop even more successful careers and practices. To learn more about her in-person and online services, workshops or monthly no-cost Online Networking & Practice Development Lunch visit www.Gifted-Adults.com or www.LAPracticeDevelopment.com.

LA-CAMFT Diversity Committee
Presents:

Black Therapist Support Group

First Saturday of this Month

Next Meeting:
Saturday, November 4, 2023
12:00 pm-1:30 pm (PT)

Online Via Zoom

Black Therapist Support Group

A safe place for healing, connection, support and building community. In this group, licensed clinicians, associates and students can come together and process experiences of racism (systemic, social, and internalized), discrimination, implicit bias, and micro-aggressions, along with additional experiences that therapists of African descent encounter in the field of mental health. As the late great Maya Angelou once said, “As soon as healing takes place, go out and heal someone else.” May this space be the support needed to facilitate that journey.

Open to LA-CAMFT Members and Non-Members

First Saturday of Each Month

Location: Zoom Meeting

For more information contact Akiah Robinson Selwa, LMFT at aselwa@sunrisetherapycenter.org.

Event Details: 

For:
Licensed Therapists, Associates, and Students

Event Details: 
Saturday, November 4, 2023
12:00 pm-1:30 pm (PT)
Time of Check-In: 11:50 am

Where: 
Online Via Zoom

Once you have registered for the presentation, we will email you a link to Zoom a few days before the presentation.

Cost:

No Charge

Online Registration CLOSES on the date of the event.

(Registration is open and available until the group ends.)

Questions about Registration? Contact  Diversity Committee, diversitycommittee@lacamft.org.

Register Here

4 Ways to Deal with Procrastination

1. According to writer-therapist Dennis Palumbo, a friend and personal mentor, procrastination is ultimately about a fear of being judged. He tells his clients (screenwriters, tv writers, and novelists), that instead of obsessing about it, they should write about it, as a dialogue with themselves, or as if they were writing a letter to themselves.
   
   Ironically, often just writing about procrastination gets a writer writing, and, this is, in itself, a cure. This simple process helps many of his clients. Further exploration of these underlying beliefs can be done in therapy, but that’s not something you can do now.
   
   
2. Without going into therapy, you can look inward, and try to figure out the nature of the tasks you find difficult and which emotions or behaviors are at play. Examples of these tasks and emotions include those tasks you considered unpleasant, complex projects, a fear of failure (lack of self-confidence) and/or a fear of success, indecision, lack of interest, and distraction (or lack of focus). They recommend:
   
   a. Complete unpleasant tasks first. 
   b. Break complex jobs into smaller, more manageable tasks. 
   c. With fears, maintain focus on the end result, and remember how good it will feel to finish. 
   d. For indecision, make a deadline to make a decision, and keep to it. 
   e. For lack of interest, schedule tasks for when you’re at your peak and reward yourself. 
   f. For distraction, make it a rule not to leave the desk until a smaller task is done and prioritize. 
   
   
3. The Pomodoro Technique (TM)
   This method is named after the tomato shaped timer that inspired it. (Pomodoro is the Italian word for tomato). As a student, Francesco Cirillo struggled with time management. He found the perfect time for a “work sprint” or “pomodoro” to be 25 minutes. He set his timer and worked straight for 25 minutes, then took a five-minute break.
   
   During the short break, he allowed himself to check texts, emails, play a videogame, make calls or whatever. Every three to four pomodori, he would give himself a 25-minute break.
   
   Francesco would set out to finish a small, manageable goal, as if there was a deadline looming. This way, he felt the urgency required to get things done quickly, but had time to breathe, as it were, and play during breaks, which kept his mind sharp.
   
   He experimented with different time periods but found 25 minutes to be the most effective time period for him to work at a “deadline pace.” Of course, you can modify the method, say, so you work 40 minutes and take a 20-minute break if you like, or whatever works best for you.
   
   
4.  Getting Things Done
   David Allen is a productivity consultant who created a fairly elaborate method of prioritizing and organizing your work, which can help you overcome procrastination. The steps to getting and staying organized include:
   
   a.    Put all of your to-dos, recurring tasks, ideas, everything, in a planner or in a Word document on your computer somewhere. Everything you will need to do in the foreseeable future should be listed, so you don’t need to carry it all around in your head.
   b.    Clarify these “to-dos” or goals. Don’t just write down “outline the screenplay,” break it down into concrete actionable steps.
   c.    Organize those concrete steps by category and priority. You don’t actually begin the tasks yet. Place them into priority categories, High Priority (do ASAP), Medium Priority, (sometime soon), and Low Priority (may not even get to this).
   d.    Reflect on your “to-do” list. Periodically review your to-do lists to re-evaluate your priorities. If tasks are too complex, break them down.
   e.    Engage and get to work. Choose your next action and start. The to-dos should be organized by now and broken into do-able tasks. It should be relatively easy to begin. 

Getting Things Done (GTD) and the Pomodoro method are both all over the internet. Brilliant Silicon Valley teenagers have created Apps for both. Download the apps only if they help. Experiment. See what works best for you.

David Silverman, LMFT, treats creative and highly sensitive individuals in private practice in LA. Having experienced the rejection, stress, creative blocks, and career reversals over a long career as a writer in Film and TV, he’s uniquely suited to work with gifted, creative and sensitive clients experiencing anxiety, addiction or depression. For more information, visit www.DavidSilvermanLMFT.com.

The Wealthy Spirit: The Rule Of Three

"Yesterday is a canceled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is ready cash—use it.”

                           — Kay Lyons 

I had just received a large cash settlement from an auto accident I had been involved in. Gleefully, I held the $12,000 check in my hand. I thought about what I should do with all this money. At the time, I had debts, so I considered using it all to pay down my debt. That felt good, but not great—I wouldn’t have anything fun to show for my good fortune. Then I thought, I could save all the money, but here again, I wouldn’t have any enjoyment of the money right now. 

What I really wanted to do was spend all the money on fun and extravagance. But that didn’t feel very responsible. I wrestled with the problem a while, then called a friend of mine, Gale Johnston, a certified financial planner. 

When I confessed my dilemma, Gale laughed and told me about the “Rule of Three.” This is what she told me to do:

1. Take a third of the money and put it towards the past—pay off debt.
2. Take another third of the money and put it towards the future—invest it.
3. Take the last third of the money and have a good time in the present—spend it.

I did as she suggested, and felt responsible, and had fun at the same time.

I’m praying you receive a large windfall soon, so you can try this out for yourself! 

Today’s Affirmation:
“I am successful, generous, and happy!” 

I love feeling responsible. Makes me feel like I am a good citizen, a proper role-model, smart, savvy, and together. I’m taking care of the future, storing my nuts for the winter like the squirrel in my backyard. 

But then I love throwing caution to the winds, escaping the bonds of frugality, and splurging on fun, excitement, travel, poker, and fine dining! I don’t see any critters in my backyard doing that, though…they are all devoted to searching for food, building a nest, attracting a mate. 

Except sometimes, it seems the birds just sit in the trees and sing, apparently for no reason except to revel in the sound of their song. 

I think the life lesson of that is: When you’ve stored some nuts, be sure to take some time off to sing! 

Prosperity Is A Habit. You Have To Practice It Every Day.

Chellie Campbell, Financial Stress Reduction Expert, is the author of bestselling books The Wealthy Spirit, Zero to Zillionaire, and From Worry to Wealthy: A Woman’s Guide to Financial Success Without the Stress. She has been treating Money Disorders like Spending Bulimia and Income Anorexia in her Financial Stress Reduction® Workshops for over 25 years and is still speaking, writing, and teaching workshops—now as Zoom classes and The Wealthy Spirit Group on Facebook—with participants from all over the world. Website: www.chellie.com.

LA-CAMFT Diversity Committee
Presents:

Middle Eastern North African (MENA)
Therapists Community Group

Next Meeting:

Monday, November 3, 2023
9:30 am-10:30 am (PT)

Online Via Zoom

Free Registration

Middle Eastern North African (MENA)
Therapists Community Group

The MENA Therapists Community Group is a safe place across the Middle Eastern and North African therapist diaspora to build community and a sense of belonging. We hold an inclusive space to process the impact of cultural biases experienced by people of MENA descent and the effect it may have on our work as mental health professionals. Within the process, we will strive to create healing, support, and empowerment. We will collaboratively exchange ideas, experiences and resources while acknowledging cultural differences and shared similarities. As the poet Khalil Gibran states — “The reality of the other person lies not in what he reveals to you, but what he cannot reveal to you.” — our community will create a place to be seen, heard, and understood.

Open to LA-CAMFT Members and Non-Members

Location: Zoom Meeting

For more information contact the Diversity Committee,  diversitycommittee@lacamft.org.

For:
Licensed Therapists, Associates, and Students

Event Details: 
Monday, November 3, 2023, 9:30 am-10:30 am (PT)
Time of Check-In: 9:30 am

Where: 
Online Via Zoom
Upon registration for the presentation, you will receive a confirmation email that includes a link to our Zoom meeting.

Cost:
No Charge

Registration is open and available until the group begins.

Questions about Registration? Contact Tyana Tavakol, Perla Hollow, & Tania Osipof at DiversityCommittee@lacamft.org.

Register Here

Toxic Friendship:
How To Recognize A Friend Who Is Not Good For You

Friendship: recognizing a toxic friendship
If you have or had an eating disorder or PTSD other condition that affects or affected your perceptions and your self-worth, recognizing the potential for a genuine friendship can be a challenge. You may choose friendship based on your low self-esteem, your weak sense of self-worth. You may accept other people’s standards of behavior because you haven’t learned to establish boundaries based on your own values. You also may not appreciate the qualities of a good friend and your responsibilities to maintain that friendship.

When you feel pain you may believe you deserve it or you are being “too sensitive” or making up something negative about the other person or just plain being wrong in feeling what you feel. When you are recovering, or don’t know you are in recovery, from distorted perceptions about your own value you may discount your uncomfortable or painful response to other people’s actions.

You may need a criteria to use as a standard to help you evaluate the possibility of being with a toxic friend.

Friendship plays a crucial role in our lives, enhancing our well-being through social and emotional support, companionship, and positive mood. Maintaining healthy friendships can have a significant impact on our overall health, leading to a longer and happier life.

However, not all friendships are beneficial. Sometimes a friendship can be toxic and stressful, resulting in mental and emotional exhaustion and an overall sense of well-being decline. Research indicates that negative or excessively aggressive social interactions can even cause increased inflammation in the body.

Qualities of toxic friends
Essentially, a toxic friend is someone who causes stress and drains your energy when you're around them. 

They may exhibit the following characteristics:

1. Overly competitive behavior towards you
2. Encouraging negative behaviors
3. Unreliable and inconsistent
4. Prone to starting fights or being combative
5. Rude and disrespectful
6. Mean or degrading, making you feel bad about yourself
7. Engaging in gossip
8. Bullying tendencies towards you or others

It's important to remember that humans aren't perfect, and friendship can have its ups and downs. However, when the negative interactions with a friend become overwhelming, it's likely that you're dealing with a toxic friend.

While it can be disappointing to admit that you have a toxic friend, there are steps you can take to move forward. Recognizing the types of toxic friendships and the signs of toxicity, as well as taking action to distance yourself from such relationships, will contribute to your improved health and well-being.

A toxic friendship can have different qualities, each with its own detrimental effects on your emotional well-being.

Here are a few examples:

The Selfish Friend
This friend only reaches out when it benefits them, leaving you feeling used and disappointed in most situations.

The Overly Critical Friend
This friend constantly puts you down, shares personal stories without permission, and lacks a healthy filter.

The Overstepping Friend
This friend means well but tends to invade your personal boundaries by involving themselves in conversations or issues without invitation.

The Competitive Friend
This friend becomes passive-aggressive or resentful when you achieve success, unable to genuinely celebrate your accomplishments.

The Victim
This friend constantly seeks attention and sympathy, draining your capacity for compassion and making the friendship one-sided.

To identify a toxic friend, it's essential to recognize consistent patterns of toxic behavior.

Some signs that your friendship may be damaging: 

Distrust
If you find yourself lacking trust in your friend or feeling uneasy and disliking them, it may be time to consider distancing yourself or parting ways.

Abuse
Recognizing abusive behavior in someone you love or trust can be challenging. Any form of abuse, whether physical, mental, emotional, or otherwise, is a clear indication that the friendship should end, and professional help should be sought if necessary.

Malicious Behavior
If your friend intentionally speaks or calls you names to hurt your feelings, it's a sign of a toxic friendship. Malicious behavior can manifest as rudeness, giving you the cold shoulder, or overt meanness.

Bad Influence
Encouraging criminal or dangerous behavior is one of the most evident signs of a toxic friend.

If you find yourself in a toxic friendship, it's important to act. Here are some steps you can take to address the situation:

Fade Away
Confronting the person or going into discussions about your discomfort in the relationship is not necessarily the best choice. You may arouse even more of the treatment you already don’t want. If abuse is involved you may be putting yourself in danger.

Distancing yourself, becoming busy, unavailable, involved in new projects may be an effective way of fading out of the friendship. Becoming boring, not contributing anything of interest, being polite but silent may cause your toxic friend to lose interest in you.

That is often a high-quality way for you to be out of a toxic relationship. You avoid anger and more abuse if the other does not feel rejected. The other person is leaving you. That’s a win for you.

End the Friendship Immediately
If abuse is not involved, if your friendship consistently brings you a sense of lack of value and discouragement, it may be time to let go and move on.

Cultivate New Relationships
Surrounding yourself with positive and meaningful relationships is essential for your well-being. If you're feeling discouraged, you can meet new people by attending events, volunteering, accepting invitations, pursuing new hobbies, joining communities, or simply taking a walk.

You have the power to give yourself permission to make your own mental health and well-being the top priority in your life by distancing yourself from a toxic friendship. Building a supportive network of friends who uplift and empower you will contribute to your overall happiness and fulfillment in life.

Note: You may know you are in a toxic relationship but remain because you hope the other person will change or continue to believe that you deserve this treatment. If this is your situation, please see a psychotherapist who can help you build your self worth and respect your own perceptions and feelings. You may need help in supporting your personal development and sense of identity that prevents you from honoring your well-being and having a joyous friendship.

Joanna Poppink, LMFT, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder, is in private practice and specializes in Eating Disorder Recovery for adult women and with an emphasis on building a fulfilling life beyond recovery. She is licensed in California, Florida, Oregon, and Utah. All appointments are virtual. Website: EatingDisorderRecovery.net