Pronouns and Names

Why we say pronouns and names versus preferred names and preferred gender pronouns

The word preference invalidates the reality of our identities. It communicates it is not who the person is. It equates our reality, identity, and existence to be something that we favour versus validating this is who we are.

Saying preferred gender pronoun is problematic because not all people identify as a gender and it completely erases their identity.

Therefore, it is vital to say pronoun(s), not gender pronoun and/or preferred gender pronoun.

If you are in a position that you truly need to know someone’s legally assigned name and/or legally assigned gender marker then that is how you can ask the question.

What is your legally assigned name?

What is your legally assigned gender marker?

This communicates that you recognize, validate and affirm that the name and/or gender marker are not indicative of the person and/or their identity(ies) but a part of what societal constructs have imposed on the person.

You do not need someone’s gender marker to know their pronouns and/or their identity.

You may need their gender marker for insurance purposes when billing.

You do not need to know someone’s legally assigned name to perform an assessment and/or to get to know them.

You may need their legally assigned name if you are required to have legal record/documentation.

Please ask yourself, do I really need to know the person’s legally assigned name and/or gender marker or am I just satiating my own curiosity.

Please be affirming, supporting, validating, understanding and patient.

When the wrong name and/or pronoun is used the impact can be deadly, be cautious with what you do with the information that is shared with you and handle with care.

Van Ethan Levy, MA, LMFT, LPCC, (they) (elle), a trans and non binary therapist, is a queer, non binary, trans, socialized as female, nBPOC (not Black Person of Color), who is autistic, and has dynamic disabilities amongst many more historically excluded identities. Van provides consultations and trainings on trans and non binary identities, is the organizer of the 2022 Virtual International Do Something: Identity(ies) Conference, authored the interactive book, Exploring My Identity(ies), and produced the Documentary, Do Something: Trans & Non Binary Identities, Website: VanEthanLevy.com.