Working with Boys: One Size Does Not Fit All 

I have four 7-year-old boys in my practice. Right now, age and gender are their only commonalities. They are in therapy for different reasons, and all interact with me in their own way:

•  One sits on the couch and talks non-stop.
• One is very focused on processing everything happening in his life through play, primarily with the main characters from Frozen, Elsa and Anna.
• One creates dinosaur teams for battles.
• One oscillates between building characters with Play-Doh to talking about how he wants to be a nicer person when he gets angry.

When I speak with a parent for the first time, they very often ask me about my approach. Typically, my first response is “it depends.” An important factor is the reason why the parent is seeking therapy for their child. However, more important factors are the ways in which a child feels comfortable communicating and how deep their hurts are buried.

All these components influence my approach, which over time, may be adjusted several times.

Therapy with children is rarely a linear process. Although the child is the client, they are not the only therapy ingredient. Familial relationships are also ingredients.

Sometimes, experimentation and time is needed to allow for the exploration and processing of emotions and the resulting behaviors.

What are some of the challenges you have had with 7-year-olds? What worked for you?

Frances Barry, LMFT is a psychotherapist in private practice in West Los Angeles where she loves working with children, teens, and parents. She engages children in play therapy, mindfulness exercises, creative activities or talk therapy, depending upon their age. Frances has returned to seeing clients in-person at her West LA office. However, remote sessions via video-conferencing are also available for those who prefer virtual work. To learn more, visit www.francesbarry.net.