The Journey Through Chaos to New Hope

Do you ever feel like you are living in the Twilight Zone right now? So many things have changed. There is a virus running rampant in the world, we have been told to “shelter in place.” The US economy was shut down, offices closed, millions of people were forced out of work, small businesses were forced to close their doors . . . many of them permanently. We watched as protesters took to the streets of major cities, calling for police reform, while hoodlums used the protests as an excuse to invade business districts, destroy shops, loot, set fires to stores and shops, attack the police and literally terrorize neighborhoods.

So how does all this relate to my work as a practicing psychotherapist in the summer of 2020? Are clients more anxious, depressed, confused, unsure of the future and bored out of their minds with sheltering in place? YES!!! How do I help them? How do I paint a picture of hope, resilience, faith, and confidence in a positive future both personally and for the country as a whole?

As I pondered that thought, I remembered the beautiful adage . . . “Physician heal thyself.” An eternal profound truth stated so simply. If we therapists and counselors have not healed ourselves through a most rigorous path of self-examination, how may we possibly help others to heal themselves? Well, it’s pretty damn impossible.

In my over 30 years of practicing psychotherapy, I have learned through trial and error to live by that simple yet most wise advice. I can only be a source of wisdom, healing, comfort and direction if I have done the hard work of exploring and healing myself.

A few months ago I wrote an article forVoices about Finding the Silver Lining during this time of upheaval and change. I shared this article with many clients, former and present, colleagues, family and friends. I received such a positive response as people reached out with comments, questions and some with a desire to enter therapy as they were so overwhelmed with the need to adjust to this Twilight Zone. They wondered if we would ever return to “normal,” living daily life without the fear of contracting a possibly fatal virus. Would the children and teenagers ever be able to return to school?

How about those of us who had offices which are now closed as we struggle to learn Zoom, Face Time, TeleTherapy, Venmo, and Pay Pal. In addition to all this uncertainty, there is the constant upheaval of protests re: the death of George Floyd, civil disobedience, calls for defunding or eliminating the police, the toppling of statues, the formation of autonomous zones in at least one major city. What has happened to this beautiful experiment in freedom and democracy?

I have faith it will continue and be better than ever. But where does this faith come from? How can I possibly believe this? Where does this positive attitude come from?

In addition to earning a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family therapy, years of my own personal therapy and over 30 years as a LMFT, I remind myself each and every day that there is a center of wisdom and peace within me which will support, sustain and guide me through the chaos. I call it my Higher Self, Infinite Intelligence, the Divine Mind. It is that quiet place within where we find the guidance needed to navigate this school room called Life.

Who are you without all the outside trappings of your world? Is what you are within enough to sustain and inspire you during this challenging time of chaos and change? What resources have you developed through the years which you can turn toward to support you and inspire you to weather this storm and come out of it stronger, better and wiser?

It is always that inner journey which opens up our hearts and minds to alternate ways of being in the world . . . personally, professionally, and spiritually. It is especially important now that we use this time of shut down to take an inner journey of exploration into who we are, what our philosophy of life is and what we can do to live life “open at the top,” a beautiful quote from one of my spiritual mentors.

A dear former client of mine texted me a few days ago, frantic to talk to me as the world she had created these past 4 months had come tumbling down. Samantha worked with me in therapy for around 10 months last year. She is a beautiful woman in her mid-30s, well-educated with a Master’s Degree in her field. Samantha was not happy in her job, was underpaid and horribly overworked, as well as discouraged and disappointed by too many years of failed relationships. She really committed to the therapeutic process by courageously diving into her family of origin issues, learning the dynamics of that dysfunctional family and how it still controlled her. She began to see how her lack of self-esteem and success professionally and personally could be attributed to the negative, cruel messages she received from her very troubled mother.

Fast forward to her life right now. She was fired from her Senior VP position, lost her health insurance, could not pay her mortgage, and had to move home with mom and dad. She decided to create her own consulting business and had negotiated good contracts with 2 companies which needed her expertise . . . then it happened again. Los Angeles businesses were partially shut down and she lost both contracts!!! She really needed an infusion of hope and confidence that she would be able to pay her bills, create her successful consulting business and stay physically healthy during the Covid-19 pandemic.

I encouraged her to get out of her mom’s house and move back into her condo which she had made into a peaceful, gentle and safe haven in our busy city. And . . . just as important, she needed to be able to sit quietly and connect to her inner voice which would guide her to make the best decisions re everything in her life. I shared some affirmations which I find especially helpful. “God or the supreme wisdom gave me these desires and the Infinite Intelligence of the Universe is now backing me up, revealing to me the perfect plan for their unfoldment.” This is turning away from the constant onslaught of fear, uncertainty and doomsday prophecies to a place within which will gently guide and inspire us to “step out on the promise.” Sometimes it is only a whisper but we must carefully listen. That place is the calm in the center of the storm. We humans are resilient and strong, but we must everyday remind ourselves of our inherent wisdom and courage and not give in to old fears and lack of confidence in ourselves, our country, and the world.

I also suggested she read Dr. Murray Bowen’s works on Differentiation from the Family Ego Mass. We all had to write a paper on that many years ago in my Masters’ program. I still use Dr. Bowen’s theories in all my work with clients. Dr. Bowen explained in such a clear, creative and grounded manner the power of the Family System and how a dysfunctional system will block us in all areas of our life.

Samantha needed to understand how the almost hypnotic control her mother had over her was blocking her from creating and accepting every good thing in her life. As I explained to her, I am re-parenting her to love and respect herself, to set firm boundaries with everybody in her life and to have the courage to really know herself as the creative, gifted and talented person she really is. It will work as long as she has the courage to step forth into her True Self which she will recognize through a combination of good therapy and a spiritual path.

Leila Aboohamad, LMFT, is a psychotherapist practicing in Brentwood, West Los Angeles, and Santa Monica. She works with clients in person or through teletherapy. She specializes in helping individuals and couples heal the trauma from their Family of Origin so that they may create successful, committed, and loving relationships. Leila also works with gifted, talented and creative adults, helping them to identify and share their special gifts, talents. and passions with the world. Website: www.leilalmft.com.