Bumping Into Clients

When I meet a client for the first time, I carefully review my confidentiality policy and I let them know that everything that is said in our sessions will remain confidential. I explain that I would need to break confidentiality if I felt they were at risk of harming themselves or another person. Next, we talk about how I will respond if we see each other outside of my office, which is currently a virtual office. I let them know that I won’t acknowledge them unless they greet me first, and that I do that to protect their privacy. Often clients respond by saying “It’s fine, of course you can say hi if I see you.” I’ll ask them how it might feel if they were out with a business associate or a friend who didn’t know they were in therapy and asked who I was. At this point people start to understand the importance of confidentiality.

Earlier this year, prior to the pandemic, I saw one of my clients in the bathroom at my yoga studio. We were the only two people standing at the sinks and she started talking about something personal; I suggested we discuss it “next time.” We processed our encounter during our next sessions, she already knew I practiced yoga and was excited that we shared the same studio. Fortunately for me we took different classes and I changed my bathroom habits so that I could protect her privacy and mine.

Although my yoga studio has reopened, I currently practice yoga online and attend 12-Step meetings virtually. I haven’t seen any clients in my yoga class yet, but I have “bumped into” several of them in 12-Step meetings; these meetings offer me community and recovery. This kind of support is important to me, especially since our work is so isolating. I attend small meetings where I can honestly share about what’s happening in my life, and if a client shows up at one of my regular meetings, it makes it awkward for both of us and impossible for me to get what I need.  

When my clients attend one of my “home” meetings, I’ll ask them if they would be willing to find another meeting. Most of the time this works out fine and it’s followed by a fruitful session where we discuss boundaries and self-care. I’ve been attending the same meetings for years, so I am unwilling to change meetings. If I’m attending a new meeting where I see a client, I will volunteer not to return.

I rarely self-disclose to my clients but usually it’s no surprise to them when we happen to meet in the 12-Step rooms. Right now, people are attending meetings from all different parts of Los Angeles and 12-Step members who live in the Valley and normally wouldn’t drive to the Westside can now join meetings through Zoom; I’m “bumping into” more of my clients and we are talking about it in our sessions.  

All of us have our own way of handling these situations, it depends on your frame and your personal boundaries. The process was more straightforward when I saw my seems clients at a restaurant or shopping, two things I am doing less frequently these days. I’m interested in hearing about how you handle these situations; feel free to reach out to me via email or social media.

Maria Gray, LMFT, NMP, CGP, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Century City, she is a Brainspotting Specialist and specializes in trauma and addictions. Maria is a Certified Group Therapist and currently offers three online groups in her practice. She enjoys working with adults who grew up around mentally ill or addictive family members. To learn more, go to www.mariagray.net.