The Ethics of Self-Care

My Law and Ethics professor emphasized the importance of self-care for therapists, he considered it an ethical issue; how could we be effective at caring for our clients if we neglected ourselves? He asked us to write a self-care plan describing how we would care for ourselves once we started seeing clients. He shared some of his own self-care habits like getting enough sleep, eating healthy foods, participating in individual therapy, and enjoying hobbies outside of work; he even brought in slides of photos from his rock-climbing trips to prove his point.

As an intern, I knew I couldn’t afford to do all the things he was telling us about, and I felt resentful. He anticipated this reaction and he reminded the class that we lived in an area where we could explore the outdoors for free.

I took Law and Ethics during my second quarter of graduate school, before I had any clients. As my caseload increased, I started to understand what my professor was trying to explain to us. Our work requires deep mental concentration and somatic attunement, and it can take a toll on our brains and bodies. The hours I spend working as a psychotherapist are more intense than in my prior technology job, where I could move around and take breaks whenever I felt like it.

I’ve noticed that many therapists shy away from talking about money; we must get comfortable talking about this topic for our own financial well-being and so we can help our clients work through their money issues. I left graduate school with over $50,000 in student loans. I soon realized that if I wanted to pay off my loans, invest in quality trainings and take good care of myself, these costs would need to be reflected in my fee.

Here are my self-care expenses for last month:

Acupuncture $180 (including herbs)
Psychotherapy $800
Chiropractor $70
Pilates (once a week) $350
Consultation group (monthly) $75
Individual Consultation $180
Grand Total: $1,655

Some of my self-care expenses may seem extravagant to you, like taking individual Pilates once a week. I’m fifty-five years old and although I have a great chair, my back and neck feel tight after sitting all day. I’d like to keep working, hiking and running, well into my old age, and Pilates has strengthened my spine and improved my posture.

Being in my own personal therapy is non-negotiable and I’m a member of a monthly consultation group, where I can present cases and learn from my colleagues. This kind of support helps me be more effective in my work and reduces feelings of isolation.

Perhaps your back is healthy, and you don’t need Pilates or a chiropractor. Maybe your Chi is balanced, so acupuncture is unnecessary. You might prefer to get a massage or practice some other form of self-care. Your self-care might be finishing early on Wednesdays so you can attend a dance class; self-care is a personal decision based on your preferences and responsibilities.

These numbers may seem overwhelming to you if you are just starting your practice, please keep in mind that it took some time for me to be able to afford some of the services on my list. There are lots of free ways to take care of yourself. One of my favorite ways to relax is to spend time playing with my neighbor’s dog Mabel, a Newfoundland who greets me with 120 pounds of pure, drooling, love when I get home. I know now that my professor was right; self-care is an ethical issue for me and when I take good care of myself, I have more to offer my clients. If I neglect myself, I’m not at my best.

Are you taking good care of yourself? If you’d like to continue this discussion, you can connect with me on social media or through my website.

Maria Gray, LMFT, NMP, CGP, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Century City, where she specializes in trauma and addictions. Maria is committed to supporting therapists who want to overcome underearning, and she offers individual business consultation and live, online, courses. To learn more, go to www.mariagray.net.