Guest Article

Navigating Caregiving: When Your Client is Caring for an Aging Loved One—Understanding the Crisis of Care

Kim Scott, LMFT

Caretaking is a reality that touches many of us—whether we’re supporting aging parents, grandparents, or looking after a spouse. In my work with clients over 65, I often see the complex emotions that arise around needing care. But it’s not just older adults grappling with these shifts—many younger clients find themselves stepping into caregiving roles for their parents or grandparents, often while raising children of their own.

According to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, nearly 70% of Americans over 65 will require some form of long-term care, and Medicare covers only a limited portion of that need. As a result, family members are frequently called upon to fill in the gaps—emotionally, physically, and financially—while juggling their own responsibilities.

Elissa Strauss, in When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others, highlights a shifting perspective on caregiving. She acknowledges the undeniable challenges but also explores the unexpected emotional, relational, and even spiritual rewards that can come from both giving and receiving care.

Defining the Caregiver Role

Caregiving takes many forms. It can mean inviting an aging parent into your home and managing their daily needs, or it might involve driving them to doctor’s appointments, handling finances, or simply checking in a few times a week. Regardless of how much time it takes, caregiving is more than just a task—it’s an emotional and logistical commitment.

Yet, much of this work goes unrecognized. It is “invisible labor”—the behind-the-scenes coordination, emotional support, and constant mental load that can be just as demanding as the hands-on care. When family members can share the caregiving role—whether by dividing tasks, offering financial support, or simply providing emotional backup—it not only lightens the load but also allows for more meaningful moments with their loved one.

The Challenges of Caregiving

For those juggling caregiving alongside careers, parenting, and relationships, the emotional toll can be significant. Many clients express feeling pulled in multiple directions, struggling to balance responsibilities while finding little time for themselves.

Beyond the exhaustion, there’s also the deep emotional weight of watching a loved one decline. Caregivers often experience anticipatory grief, guilt, and even resentment—especially when the burden isn’t evenly shared among siblings or when parents were not there for them growing up. Conflict can arise when one person assumes control over decision-making.

The Joys and Meaning of Caregiving

So often, caregiving is framed as a burden—just another responsibility to shoulder. But Eve Rodsky, author of Fair Play, reminds us that care isn’t just about chores; it’s about connection. She argues that when partners opt out of caregiving, they’re not just avoiding work—they’re missing out on one of the most meaningful aspects of life. The same is true when siblings or extended family distance themselves from caring for an aging loved one.

Providing care is, at its core, an act of love. It offers moments of deep connection, of being present in ways that might not have happened otherwise. A dear friend once shared that the time she spent caring for her father became some of the most cherished moments of her life. Many of my clients describe a similar sense of fulfillment and gratitude for the chance to give back.

And caregiving doesn’t just impact the present—it shapes the future. As we care for our aging parents and grandparents, we teach our children what it means to show up for family, to extend kindness and respect, and to hold space for the needs of others. In these moments, we model love—not just in words, but in action.

Assisting Our Clients in Navigating Mixed Emotions & Setting Healthy Boundaries

One of the most valuable things we can offer our caregiving clients is space—space to feel the full range of their emotions without judgment. Caregivers often express guilt for resenting their responsibilities or feeling exhausted. These emotions can be overwhelming, but they are entirely normal. By acknowledging and releasing difficult feelings, caregivers often find they can appreciate the moments of love and connection that caregiving brings.

Equally important is helping our clients understand that they cannot do everything—nor should they. Prioritizing their own well-being isn’t selfish; it’s essential. Encouraging our clients to seek support—whether from family, community resources, or professionals—can be life-changing. Sometimes, even small shifts can help, like hiring someone to clean their parent’s home or asking a neighbor to take out the trash. Other times, setting clear limits is necessary. A client once shared that she was utterly drained from caring for her aunt but struggled to delegate tasks to a professional because her aunt preferred her presence. In these moments, we can gently remind our clients that their well-being matters too.

For both caregivers and care receivers, open communication is key. When families can talk about what’s needed—who can step in, how responsibilities can be shared, and what emotions are coming up—caregiving becomes less isolating. These conversations don’t eliminate challenges, but they can ease tension and create space for more understanding.

Conclusion

Caregiving and receiving care are deeply personal experiences, made even more complex in a society that so highly values independence. There are moments of struggle—physically, mentally, and emotionally—but also opportunities for profound connection. As therapists, we can help our clients navigate these roles by offering reassurance that all their feelings are valid. We can encourage self-compassion, remind them they are not alone, and help them see that caregiving isn’t about perfection—it’s about showing up, doing the best we can, and finding moments of meaning along the way.

Kim Scott, LMFT is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist. She has a private practice in Granada Hills where she works with couples and individuals, in-person and via Telehealth. Kim has been licensed for 30 years and has expertise in working with older adults and women issues. To learn more about Kim's practice and to read more of her articles visit her website: www.kimscottmft.com