Let’s Combat Coronavirus Productivity Porn

1. Put On Your Own Mask First
Fellow therapists, we need you!!! We need you to have psychic energy in the long haul—because this is going to be a long haul. This means you must take care of yourself in the short term.

By the time this article is published, we will have all been operating on shelter-at-home for a good six weeks. Are you burned out? I bet you are.

Right now, as I am writing this, we have been stuck in our homes for only three weeks, and many of my clients are extremely distressed. My work as a therapist has been more rewarding than ever, but also more exhausting. I feel compelled to bring my A game every minute, to save people from sinking into a black hole of despair, or from creating deep rifts between themselves and the people with whom they have been sheltering-at-home.

I know I am not alone.

My Strategy (for what it’s worth!)
I spend my days working, talking to friends and family, and making sure I don’t forget to move my body and get some fresh air each day. Period.

Normally I am the queen of big personal projects, but all that is on hold. Things are not normal.

I daydream between sessions instead of researching, studying, or writing; I wear the same outfit for a week straight; I eat a lot of cereal for meals. Please don’t tell.

I’m not sleeping well. I wake up two or three times a night. I don’t sweat it; I pick up my Kindle and read until I fall asleep again. I try to go to bed earlier to counteract this, but often I don’t.

I stay off of social media.

That’s right. Off. I read the news online, and I spend the whole darn day talking to people; I doubt I’m missing anything critical. Every day I hear clients complain about what they are reading on social media, and I am glad I made this decision.

I use my now-very-limited energy to stay deeply connected to those I care about, and I trust that that will be enough for now.

Which brings me to my personal mantra:

It’s good enough for now.

Now is not the time for excellence. Now is the time for “Good enough”. Embrace this for yourself and feel the weight lift.

Are you still healthy? Do what you can to stay that way. Reach out to those you love. Do what you can to make a difference. These are my top three personal values right now, and I’m not going to worry about anything else. At. All.

Now is a good time to identify your own personal top 3 values and focus exclusively on those. Trust that you will eventually get back to being productive and pursuing excellence. Trust yourself and then take care of yourself. Put on your own mask first.

2. Helping Our Clients
Before Coronavirus, my clients were working on personal goals like “improving their intimate relationships,” “managing their anxiety at work,” “combatting procrastination,” “getting along better with family members,” and “exploring self-sabotaging behavior.”

All that has changed.

Anxiety is everywhere. There are a lot of strained relationships, especially when partners are forced to spend 24/7 together in a small space. It certainly helps that anxiety and relationships have been my focus all along. My clients were well-positioned to put their new skills and knowledge to work IRL.

But now we have a different focus:

Values Clarification and Self-acceptance.

Values Clarification
Just as I have urged you to clarify your own values, I would also urge you to work with your clients to clarify theirs. Being clear on your own personal value system helps you create your own personal “Hierarchy of Needs” (*bow to Maslow*).

Know that in times of crisis, your physical and psychic energy levels are going to be depleted. You need to focus on just the top few needs and allow yourself to let go of the others for the time being.

Self-acceptance
Self-acceptance is one of the top personal growth opportunities right now. Self-acceptance can make the difference between spending the next few months raging against the machine or finding some peace and renewed equilibrium.

One of the big problems with self-acceptance right now is social media Productivity Porn.

Joe Shmoe is learning Chinese in all his new-found free time, and Jane Doe is now training for a triathlon on her treadmill and Peloton. Your old friend Suzy is knitting 100 quilts for the homeless, David is already halfway through writing his book, and Andi is teaching Zoom yoga classes. And they’re all crowing about it on social media. Just. Say. No.

If it’s all you can do to get up in the morning and make your bed, that’s okay. That’s actually quite amazing, on some days. If you can get up and not do anything “productive,” and let that be okay—well, you’ve just worked on something truly difficult: self-acceptance. Take a bow.

Help your clients identify all they are doing already.

Did you call your friend to see if she was okay? That’s wonderful! One of the most important things you can do is express care and concern. Did you go to bed early last night? Terrific! You are paying attention to your need for rest.

Help your clients learn to trust themselves.

Remind them of when they had the resources to pursue excellence and follow their dreams. Help them learn to trust that they will re-gain this energy even though their resources are more limited in the present.

If you can teach your clients to have some self-acceptance in this crazy upside-down world, then you are absolutely rockin’ it. Take a bow.

Amy McManus, LMFT, helps anxious young adults build healthy new relationships with themselves and others after a breakup. Amy’s blog, “Life Hacks,” offers practical tips for thriving in today’s crazy plugged-in world. Learn more about Amy from her website www.thrivetherapyla.com.