Life Scripts: What Are They and How Do They Influence Our Lives?

The first time I heard the term “Life Scripts,” I was in my Master’s program in Marriage and Family Therapy. At that time in the ‘80s, Transactional Analysis was one of the foremost therapeutic models being taught in graduate schools. It was and is a great tool in understanding our roles and rules in our Family of Origin system. According to Eric Berne, the Canadian-born psychiatrist, who created the theory of Transactional Analysis as a method of explaining human behavior: “A Script is a life plan based on decisions made at any developmental stage, which inhibit spontaneity and limit flexibility in problem solving.”

Our Life Script is being written from the moment we are born as we unconsciously respond to the messages from our parents about ourselves, others and the world. It is how we interpret these messages that creates the blueprint for our lives. And each child in the family will interpret those messages differently. One child may be a disciplined individual, a self-starter eager to succeed in any chosen endeavor, while another may be terrified of using her many talents because she interpreted her parents’ emphasis on the importance of education as an indictment of her tremendous gifts as a dancer, singer, artist and decorator. She would often say, “What I am good at is not OK with mom and dad. I was never great at school but boy when I entertained others, I was so happy and so were my audiences.”

Every movie, TV show, play and news report has a written script, which contains the plot, the subject matter, the philosophy of the writer, the main characters, the supporting players, etc. No matter how good the actors, news anchors, reporters, producers and directors are, if you don’t have a good script as a foundation, the project will be a failure. That’s how the “script doctor” came into being in Hollywood. That’s why book and article writers have editors who are skilled in helping the writer develop a story which successfully conveys what the writer wishes to express.

So why does knowing about the importance of having a positive, supportive, loving Life Script so necessary in a client’s healing and growth? Why is it imperative that clients know that they are living the script which they wrote all through their childhood and adolescence? Because their script is the blueprint, a map for their lives. As I said above, a bad, poorly written script will never produce an excellent book, TV sitcom or Broadway play. 

So, it is with our real Life Scripts. Imagine growing up in a family with loving, supportive parents who listen to their children, watch what interests them and know where their talents lie. These parents are writing a Life Script grounded in love, optimism, encouragement and the type of guidance children need to succeed in their endeavors. Unfortunately, most of my clients have Life Scripts filled with so many negative messages that they end up in my office in pain from the disappointments and hurts in their lives.

Most clients are amazed that they are making choices in their lives from the Life Scripts which they unconsciously created. They just know they are hurting and want to feel better. If I want to help my clients, I must discover the causes for their pain. And one of the best tools for that is the Life Script. I must gather as much information as possible about their very early years in their family of origin. 

The Life Script Questionnaire that I use is a great tool as it asks 72 very basic questions like “Describe your father/mother as you felt as a child.” “What did your father/mother want you to be?’  “How did your mother/father compliment/criticize you?” “What was your father’s/mother’s main advice to you?” “What did you decide about life when you were little?” “What happens to people like you?” “What do you like/dislike about yourself?”

These are such basic questions that must be answered in order to know who we are now, because we are shaped and molded by those early years when, like sponges, we soaked up the atmosphere, the words, the actions, the philosophy, the successes and failures of the family in which we grew up. Our understanding of those early years is the key to unlocking the door to an entirely new life anchored in optimism, mental and emotional strength and unexpected areas of creativity where one’s talent will shine and inspire all with whom we come into contact. It’s a great journey. Do you want to jump on board?  

Gratitude: The Key to Success

As a divorce mediator, you might think that gratitude is not the first thing on my mind nor the minds of my clients. It’s certainly not easy to be grateful, or even positive, when one is going through something as difficult as a divorce. However, this is why it’s so much more important to actively practice gratitude by searching out things to be grateful for even in the face of adversity. With that in mind, here are the some of the things that I’m most grateful for:

1. Parents who Focus on their Children — I am overwhelmingly grateful for, and often in awe of, parents who can see past their hurt and bitterness in order to put their children’s interests ahead of their own during the divorce process. The greatest joy and inspiration I experience in my practice is when I see people under stress rising above their own issues to focus on protecting their children by finding ways to work together as co-parents
2. The Shift Away from Litigation towards Mediation — over the last several years more and more people are becoming aware of divorce mediation and the it provides over a nasty court battle (including saving time & money, protecting one’s children, lower stress levels, etc.). Sure, divorce litigation is still a $2 billion industry (the attorneys are still depleting children’s college funds and gobbling up the equity in their clients’ homes), but more people are realizing that they don’t have to let their negative emotions dictate how they handle their divorce which enables them to save more than $100,000, get through their divorce more quickly and keep their children out of the middle.
3. Children — This is something I’m thankful for both personally and professionally. Professionally, I’m thankful for the simple joy that children bring to their parents that can bolster us adults during difficult times. Additionally, I’m thankful that children are often something that’s so important to parents that they inspire them to get past their individual differences and provide the necessary motivation for them to work together. Personally, I’m thankful for my wonderful twin girls who rejuvenate me every day and enable me to continue this often stressful work.
4. Therapists — I’m thankful for therapists on so many levels, but mostly I’m thankful for them because they help shepherd and support their clients through this difficult process. Additionally, since therapists are generally interested in their client’s well-being they have become a significant part of the shift towards mediation by educating their clients on how mediation would help them get through their divorce so much better than going to court.
5. The bottom line is that every one of us has something to be grateful for if we will take the time to search for it and then really dwell on it with a spirit of Thanksgiving.

So, what are you most thankful for and how can you use that to help you get through whatever you’re facing in your life?

Barry Davis, Divorce Mediator, Founder of Davis Mediation, has been helping clients get through the divorce process in the most amicable, affordable manner possible for 16 years. His passion is keeping children out of the middle of divorce so they can grow up healthy. As a divorce mediator, Barry holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology and Conflict Management and has served on the Torrance Family Court and Second Appellate District mediation panels. For more information and resources, visit www.DavisMediation.com or Davis Divorce Mediation’s YouTube Channel.

Keonna Robinson,
LMFT 

LA-CAMFT Therapists of Color Mentorship Program: Call for Therapist of Color (TOC) Mentors

During our “Anti-Racism as a Movement, Not a Moment” Roundtable in August 2020, we came together as a therapeutic community to discuss and address racism and discrimination. We collaborated on what LA-CAMFT can do to be an actively and overtly anti-racist community. We specifically identified needed supports that we as therapists of color and as a therapeutic community wanted to see provided. One of the many needed supports identified was a Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program.

In January 2021 a group of students, associates and licensed therapists of color formed the Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program Committee and met on a monthly basis to discuss and begin the creation of this program. The committee spent quality time on the purpose statement, guidelines, interest form, marketing, launch date, and more. The development of the program are the contributions of the following committee participants: Akiah Selwa, Destiny Campron, Jenni Villegas Wilson, Leanne Nettles, Lucy Sladek, Maisha Gainer, Matthew Fernandez, Nehemiah Campbell, Perla Hollow, Rachell Alger, Raven Barrow, Stara Shakti, and Tina Cacho Sakai.

The LA-CAMFT Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentorship Program exists to help address inequities experienced by professional mental health therapists of color and intersections with other historically marginalized groups. The first of its kind amongst CAMFT chapters, LA-CAMFT is committed to ensuring quality mentorship for therapists of color by therapists of color. The mentorship program is intended to help bridge the gap of identifying and creating opportunities for growth and advancement in the field, guide clinicians across various stages of professional development, increase accessibility and sustainability in the field, and assist therapists of color to confidently provide services from their culturally authentic self.  

At this time, we are Calling for Therapists of Color (TOC) Mentors who are committed to this mission and more:

• Qualifications: Licensed in the State of CA (LMFT, LCSW, LPCC, PSYD, etc) 
• Commitment: 6 to 12 months with the option to continue independently.
• Frequency: 1x per month or mutually agreed-upon schedule of meetings, which may occur via phone, virtual platform, email exchanges, or face-to-face meetings.
• Types of Mentorship Relationships: 1-on-1 and/or group mentorship (your choice) .
• Mentors do not need to be LA-CAMFT Members. 

Interest Form Due Dates and Mentorship Start Dates: 

• Mentor Interest Form submissions will be accepted from March 1, 2023 to April 1, 2023.  
• Mentee Interest Form submissions will be accepted from April 1, 2023 to May 1, 2023.
• 6-month Mentorship duration is from June 1st — November 30, 2023. 

Interest forms submitted before or after the listed dates above will not be considered during the matching process. 

Here are some of the many rewards for being a Therapist of Color (TOC) Mentor:

• Guide, teach, and inspire the next generation of TOC mental health professionals.
• Establish and promote a culture of support within our profession.
• Build intergenerational relationships.
• Contribute to new developments in the field.
• Receive LA-CAMFT benefits for volunteering your time, knowledge and wisdom. 

If you are interested in becoming a Therapist of Color (TOC) Mentor, would like to receive more information and/or receive the Interest Form, reach out to us at tocmentorshipprogram@lacamft.org. 

With Gratitude and Solidarity, 

LA-CAMFT’s Declaration
of Inclusion, Diversity, and Anti-Racism

Psychotherapy can be transformative in a democratic society, and can open intellectual inquiry that, at its best, influences and results in lasting positive change. In recognition of our shared humanity and concern for our community and world, LA-CAMFT loudly and overtly disavows all racism, xenophobia, homophobia, transphobia, sexism, Islamophobia, anti-Semitism, classism, ableism, ageism, and hate speech or actions that attempt to silence, threaten, and degrade others. We in LA-CAMFT leadership hereby affirm our solidarity with those individuals and groups most at risk and further declare that embracing diversity and fostering inclusivity are central to the mission of our organization.

As mental health professionals, we value critical reasoning, evidence-based arguments, self-reflection, and the imagination. We hope to inspire empathy, advocate for social and environmental justice, and provide an ethical framework for our clients, our community, and ourselves.

We in LA-CAMFT leadership are committed to:

(1) the recognition, respect, and affirmation of differences among peoples

(2) challenging oppression and structural and procedural inequities that exist in society, generally, and in local therapeutic, agency, and academic settings

(3) offering diverse programming content and presenters throughout our networking event calendar, as well as in our workshops, trainings, and special events

While we traverse the turbulent seas of the important and necessary changes taking place in our country, in order to form a “more perfect union.” we wish to convey our belief that within our community exists an immense capacity for hope. We believe in and have seen how psychotherapy, therapeutic relationships, and mental health professions can be agents of positive change, without ignoring or denying that the practice and business of psychiatry, psychology, and psychotherapy have historically been the cause of great harm, trauma, and emotional toll, particularly for people of color and other marginalized groups. We are committed to doing our part to help remedy that which we have the position, privilege, and/or resources to do so.

At LA-CAMFT events, all members are welcome regardless of race/ethnicity, gender identities, gender expressions, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, age, disabilities, religion, regional background, Veteran status, citizenship, status, nationality and other diverse identities that we each bring to our professions. We expect that leadership and members will promote an atmosphere of respect for all members of our community.

In a diverse community, the goal of inclusiveness encourages and appreciates expressions of different ideas, opinions, and beliefs, so that potentially divisive conversations and interactions become opportunities for intellectual and personal growth. LA-CAMFT leadership wants to embrace this opportunity to create and maintain inclusive and safe spaces for all of our members, free of bias, discrimination, and harassment, where people will be treated with respect and dignity and where all individuals are provided equitable opportunity to participate, contribute, and succeed.

We value your voice in this process. If you feel that our leadership or programming falls short of this commitment, we encourage you to get involved, and to begin a dialogue with those in leadership. It is undeniable that the success of LA-CAMFT relies on the participation, support, and understanding of all its members.

Standing together,
The LA-CAMFT Board of Directors and Diversity Committee

Voices Publication Guidelines for 2023

Calling all community writers and contributors!

Are you searching for a unique platform to express your passions and showcase your expertise in the Marriage and Family Therapy field? Look no further, as we welcome your input!

Following are the due dates and publication guidelines for submitting articles and ads for the 2023 calendar year to Voices, LA-CAMFT's monthly newsletter:

LA-CAMFT Publishing Guidelines for Voices

• All submissions are DUE by the 1ST of each month.
  • Around the 15th of each month, you will receive the editor’s call for articles for the next edition of VOICES.
  • This editor’s call will allow contributors to have up to 2 weeks to put together all the material for submission by the 1st of the month.
  • Around the 25th of each month, you will receive the editor’s second and last call for articles, reminding contributors to submit completed articles by the first should they wish to be included in VOICES.
  • In this last call for submissions, the editor will include a list of the content planned for the next edition of VOICES. This editorial list will note submissions received as well as submissions expected but not yet received and which must be received by the 1st in order to be included.
  • Any submissions received after the 1st, will be included in the following month's edition of VOICES.
• ARTICLES are 500–1000 word submissions by LA-CAMFT members, sponsors, speakers, or recognized experts in their field. Only universal file formats, like Word (.doc and docx.) will be accepted as submissions. If an article is submitted in a “.pages” format, it will be returned to the submitter.
• HYPERLINKS in articles must be individually typed into the body of the article by the writer and must be included at time of submission. It is the responsibility of each writer to “type in” the hyperlink(s) in their own work when the article is submitted. Putting “LIVE LINK” in the body of an article won't work. When multiple links are being included, this must be made clear by the writer as to where each link is to be featured.
• IMAGES: All personal headshots or images must be attached to an email as either a JPEG, PNG or TIF. Images pasted into an email are not acceptable since the quality of such photos is diminished. Any images received in the body of the email may result in delayed publication of the submission.
• AUTHOR TAGLINES: Author taglines are a short paragraph of 50 to 75 words after the end of the article in which the author is identified. It includes the author's full name, pertinent professional credentials, a short business description, and website address with a HYPERLINK. Email addresses and phone numbers are not included — the only exceptions are lacamft.org emails. All taglines are limited to 75 words, MAXIMUM. This word count includes the author's name and website.
• IMAGES OTHER THAN PERSONAL HEADSHOTS. There is an issue about images. When you submit an image other than a personal headshot, you must provide proof of how you obtained that photo. Following is a link that covers the importance of copyright issues, but especially so when it comes to anything “Internet.” (Sued for Copyright Infringement)
• AN ARTICLE MAY CONTAIN:
  • Helpful tips, strategies, analysis, and other specific useful clinical, educational, business or professional marketing or networking information.
  • A review of literature or arts (reviewer not related to or in business with the creator of the item being reviewed).
• AN ARTICLE MAY NOT CONTAIN:
  • Reference to commercial products or services being sold or distributed by author;
  • Information that is only useful if the author’s book or other materials are purchased
  • Suggestions that the reader attend the author’s workshop, conference or podcast for more information;
  • Any other material that could be construed as an advertisement, rather than an article;
  • Language that could be construed as defamatory, discriminatory, or offensive.