The Language of Grief

One of my specialties is grief and loss, and I did an intensive training at a remarkable place called “Our House” in Los Angeles. During the training, we were encouraged to share our personal experience with grief and discuss our family traditions when someone died. The leaders emphasized the importance of using the correct language when talking to our clients about death. This training had a great impact on me both personally and professionally.

We were taught to use the word “die” instead of “passed” and avoid saying someone “committed suicide,” because that phrase implies someone “committed” a crime. Instead they recommended saying someone “suicided,” died by suicide, or ended their life.

Last year I lost a close friend to suicide, she was the second friend of mine who took her life in 2019. It was traumatic for me; I was with her the night before she died, and I was very concerned about her. When I asked her if she was planning to take her life, she assured me she wasn’t. I drove her home to her family where I thought she would be safe, and she died the next day.

In our death-denying culture, we need to find a way to get comfortable talking about suicide and listening to those who have suffered the loss of a loved one. People are often unsure about what to say. Sometimes they’ll ask questions about the details of the death which can be re-traumatizing for the grieving person.

Didi Hirsch Mental Health Services opened the first suicide prevention center in Los Angeles in 1958. Today their state-of-the-art facility in Century City offers a hotline, support groups for the general public and specialized training for professionals.

California recently passed a new law requiring mental health providers to complete six hours of continuing education in suicide prevention. Those already licensed will be required to complete this one time training at the time of their first renewal that takes place on or after January 1, 2021. To learn more about the requirements of this law click here “New Requirement for Existing Licensees and Applicants for Licensure: Suicide Risk Assessment and Intervention.” 

Maria Gray, LMFT, NMP, CGP, is a psychotherapist in private practice in Century City, where she specializes in trauma and addictions and leads groups. Maria offers individual business consultation and workshops for therapists who want to thrive in private practice. To learn more, go to www.mariagray.net.