Los Angeles Chapter  California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists


Los Angeles Chapter — CAMFT

Guest Article

06/30/2022 9:00 AM | Mike Johnsen (Administrator)

Chellie Campbell,
Financial Stress
Reduction Expert

The First Law Of a Thousand Times

Life is like a taxi. The meter keeps a-ticking, whether you are getting somewhere or standing still.  
Lou Erickson

We have to hear the truth a thousand times before we understand it. This is “The First Law of a Thousand Times.” At the thousandth repetition, we hear the truth again but this time with a difference. Finally, we get it; we undergo the “Aha!” experience and we see clearly some truth about how we have been operating our lives.

“Aha!” my mind clicks open and a shiver runs through my body. Voices ring in my head and I hear my mother telling me that truth when I was twelve, a teacher saying something similar when I was fourteen, a boyfriend whispering it when I was twenty, a client saying it when I was defending my position, a colleague repeating it when I “Yeah, butted” him, and my best friend murmuring it when I cried on her shoulder.

It happened one night in class. We were recalling past wins and I had instructed everyone to think about the truly meaningful triumphs of their lives. This group had no trouble with remembering failures, but successes were harder. They just didn’t spend enough time relishing their wins.

Nancy started to cry, explaining that she just had an “Aha!” experience. She said she could remember ten wins but would allow herself only five seconds to enjoy the experience. After that would come a voice that took it all away from her: “Well, you still didn’t do ____ right.” She saw how many people around her always said something to squelch the joy, to rain on her parade. She had recorded all their voices so that, in case the Nay Sayers were unavailable in the flesh, she could do it herself. Nancy remembered many times this had happened in her life, but now that she recognized it, she could change it. We celebrated her discovery with her and offered our help: when she had her next win, we would help her celebrate it so that she could fully experience her happiness and joy.

One of the most wonderful parts of being a teacher—or a friend—is seeing the “Aha!” experience happen. When people hit the thousandth time, they change right in front of you—you can see it on their face. It is thrilling to watch, and you must appreciate it, knowing that you will not see this happen often.

But it doesn’t matter whether or not you see the change. What matters is that it takes one thousand times, so every one of those repetitions is just as important as the thousandth. You can’t have the thousandth time until you’ve had the first time, the fiftieth, the nine hundredth. If you tell someone a truth and their lack of understanding is clearly visible, just know they haven’t hit the thousandth time yet. They will one day. Maybe ten years from now. Maybe tomorrow. You don’t know what number they’re on.

You don’t know what number you’re on either. Pay more attention. Listen. Learn. The thousandth time might be today!

Chellie Campbell, Financial Stress Reduction Expert, is the author of bestselling books The Wealthy Spirit, Zero to Zillionaire, and most recently From Worry to Wealthy: A Woman’s Guide to Financial Success Without the Stress. She is widely quoted in major media including Redbook, Good Housekeeping and more than 50 popular books. She has been treating Money Disorders like Spending Bulimia and Income Anorexia in her Financial Stress Reduction® Workshops for over 25 years. Her website is www.chellie.com.

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