How to Make New Year’s Resolutions That Stick in an Age of Uncertainty

Did you make plans for 2020? Hahahahahahahahahaha.

2020 was a rough year for everyone; for some it was devastating.

And yet . . . babies were born, people got married, people celebrated graduations and anniversaries, people fell in love.

We did some good work, read some great books, slept more, ate worse, became engaged politically, took up a hobby, happily gave up our commutes, sadly gave up movies, concerts, and large social gatherings, eventually perhaps gave up trying to do anything.

We believed things would be over soon, we believed our leaders would protect us, we believed it wouldn’t happen to us, we believed things would be “normal” by now. We were wrong.

Things were forever changed.

Now there is a new year ahead, vaccines that bring us hope, and the possibility of a new beginning in 2021— a “new normal.”

But what will that look like, and how can we make plans to move forward when everything has been so volatile and uncertain?

The “New Normal” is something that, to a certain extent, we each have to figure out on our own.

We are being told when we can leave our homes, when we can go back to work, how we can gather with friends and family, what we are allowed to do in public spaces, when and where we can travel.

But what that actually looks like is up to us.

We can take charge and create a life within the constraints of the new normal. We can create our new normal.

Vaccines are being slowly rolled out, and we can reasonably assume that before 2021 is over life will feel more familiar and more safe. In the meantime, we can make some choices now that will enhance our lives until and beyond the time when we resume our “normal” lifestyle.

Here is an easy system for making the small changes that can lead to the big differences in our lives in 2021!

Step One: Clarify Your Values

This is the first step in planning for anything, but for planning your life direction it’s critical!

What are your top 3 values? Good health, providing for your family, socializing with friends? Spirituality, family, contribution? Creativity, love, fitness? Service, personal growth, being in nature?

Sometimes there are so many it’s hard to narrow it down, but if you don’t keep your list short you risk becoming overwhelmed and unable to pursue any of them.

Step Two: Identify Your Goals

Pick 1 or 2 Goals for each of your three top values. Some examples are:

Health: Get 8 hours of sleep every night; Start each day with a healthy breakfast; work out 3 times a week.

Family: Talk to a distant family member twice a week; have a family Zoom every week; Have a socially-distanced meetup with a family member once a week.

Personal Growth: Read a new book every month; learn to play 5 sing-able songs on the guitar; Keep a journal and write something every day; start weekly therapy.

Tip: Notice that each of these goals is specific in action and timing! For instance, the goal is not “get healthier,” but “get 8 hours of sleep” or “eat a healthy breakfast every day.” Without specificity you are going to struggle to develop new habits.

Step Three: Make a Plan

Now take one of those goals and break them down into small, specific, time-sensitive steps.

For example, “Get 8 hours of sleep each night” might be:

1. Download a meditation app like Calm or Headspace
2. Set daily alarm for 10 pm to remind myself to start my bedtime routine
3. Bedtime routine: put away things from the day, shower, brush teeth, read in bed until 10:45 pm. (if you have trouble falling or staying asleep, you will have much more success if you stay off of your phone or other screens in the two hours before bed! For suggestions on how to do that, read this)
4. Set second alarm for 10:45 pm to remind myself to listen to a short calming meditation on my new app!

Or “Workout three times a week” might be

1. Sign up for online workout classes
2. Add “set out workout clothes and workout mat, choose tomorrow’s workout” to bedtime routine three times a week.
3. Set alarm for 30 minutes earlier on the mornings I am going to work out.

There is a common misperception about the number of days necessary to form a habit.

Studies show that the amount of time necessary to form a habit varies according to many factors, so be patient with yourself until your new behavior becomes second nature. For an excellent review of how to build successful habits, read Good Habits, Bad Habits, by Wendy Wood.

Things to remember about building a habit:

1. Build motivation

Example: Use social support for accountability. Check in daily with a friend about the goals each of you worked on that day.

2. Remove Friction

Example: Setting out your clothes the night before removes the friction (read: excuse) of not having any clean workout clothes available.

3. Plan for Obstacles

Example: If I plan to meet a friend for a walk tomorrow morning and it’s raining when we wake up, we will do an online workout together on Zoom instead.

There is even a science-based app called WOOP that can help you with this process! Check it out.

Work on only one or two habits at a time. Allow yourself to build new habits only one step at a time if that helps.

For example, build a habit of working out in the morning by doing only a 5-minute stretch for a few weeks. Even if 10 years from now all you ever did was stretch every morning for 5 minutes, you will have spent 18,250 minutes increasing your flexibility and mobility!

For most of us, 2021 is bound to be better than 2020, but with a little planning, it might even be a great year!

Happy New Year to All!

Amy McManus, LMFT, helps anxious young adults build healthy new relationships with themselves and others after a breakup. Amy’s blog, “Life Hacks,” offers practical tips for thriving in today’s crazy plugged-in world. Learn more about Amy from her website www.thrivetherapyla.com.