Guest Article

Rediscover the Joy of Play in Your Relationship

Kim Scott, LMFT

It’s not uncommon for couples to come into therapy feeling disconnected, stuck in a routine, or like business partners managing the logistics of family life. Many describe evenings that follow a familiar script: make dinner, clean up, care for the kids and pets, maybe watch some television, then off to bed—only to do it all over again the next day.

The energy it takes to keep daily life running often leaves little left for fun, connection, or each other. Over time, conversations dwindle. Instead of sharing thoughts, dreams, or even stories from the day, couples fall into parallel lives. Weekends tend to bring more of the same, just with extra chores. Eventually, one or both partners ask: Is this all there is?

My answer? A wholehearted No! There’s more—but to find it, couples often need to rediscover the simple, powerful practice of play.

Why Play Matters

Play isn’t just for kids. It’s also one of the most effective ways for adults to connect. Dr. Stuart Brown, founder of the National Institute for Play, reminds us that play can spark joy, deepen intimacy, and strengthen the emotional bonds that carry couples through life’s challenges.

In fact, play activates the brain’s pleasure centers, releasing endorphins—the same “feel-good” chemicals that boost mood and increase resilience. As the saying goes, “neurons that fire together, wire together.” When couples laugh, move, and explore together, they’re strengthening the neural pathways that associate each other with joy. Over time, that emotional wiring helps couples weather stress and feel closer in the process. Or as Dr. Brown says “people who play together, stay together.”

Play can also alleviate boredom, reduce symptoms of depression or anxiety, and improve your overall sense of well-being. And best of all, it’s fun.

“But We Don’t Have Time to Play…”

This is the most common concern I hear. Between work, parenting, and managing a household, carving out time for play can feel impossible. But here’s the truth: play isn’t a luxury—it’s a form of self-care and relationship maintenance.

Not only does play support mental health and creativity, but it also models balance and emotional connection for your children. When kids see their parents laughing, engaging, and having fun together, they’re witnessing a healthy, thriving relationship. That’s one of the greatest gifts we can give them.

What’s Your Relationship’s “Play Personality”?

When I talk about play, people often assume I mean sports, board games, or video games. While those count, play comes in many forms. In his book Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul, Dr. Brown outlines eight “play personalities” that show how unique our preferences can be:

• The Joker – Loves laughter, silliness, and humor.
• The Kinesthetic – Enjoys movement, dance, and physical activity.
• The Explorer – Drawn to new experiences, whether through travel, learning, or discovery.
• The Competitor – Finds energy in friendly challenges or games.
• The Director – Loves planning, organizing, and hosting events or experiences.
• The Collector – Finds joy in gathering or curating meaningful items.
• The Creator/Artist – Enjoys building, crafting, or expressing through art.
• The Storyteller – Finds connection through reading, writing, watching, or sharing stories.

These categories offer a framework for discovering how you and your partner might enjoy playing together. For instance, being an Explorer doesn’t have to mean international travel—it might look like taking a cooking class or diving into a new book series.

Making Play Personal

In my own relationship, my husband and I share Kinesthetic and Storyteller play styles. We take daily walks, swim, and occasionally play tennis or dance. We’re also big fans of movie nights, live theater, and what we call our “nerd dates”—afternoons spent browsing bookstores and reading side by side. We also share the stories of our day with each other, which adds a layer of connection that often gets lost in busy routines.

You and your partner likely have your own blend of play personalities. Take some time to reflect: What did you used to do for fun when your relationship was new? What made you laugh or lose track of time together?

And remember, your shared play style may differ from your individual ones. My husband, for example, is more of a Creator than I am, and that's something he explores on his own.

Getting Started: Adding Play Back In

Play is meant to be spontaneous and enjoyable—not another item on your to-do list. Start by talking with your partner about the types of activities you used to enjoy together or new ones you’d like to try. Make a list of both small, everyday ways to connect and bigger, special experiences to plan for the future. Some ideas might include:

• Morning or evening walks together
• Cooking dinner as a team
• Having a regular “date morning” or “date afternoon”
• Exploring a new hobby or taking a class together
• Watching a comedy show or movie that makes you both laugh
• Creating something together—music, art, a garden, or even a playlist

The goal is to have fun and reconnect, not to be perfect. If you can both feel “in flow”—that wonderful state where you’re engaged, present, and time seems to disappear—you’re on the right track.

So let go of the pressure, keep it light, and just start playing again. As the saying goes, laughter truly is the best medicine—and for relationships, it might just be the glue that holds everything together.

Kim Scott, LMFT is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist. She has a private practice in Granada Hills where she works with couples and individuals, in-person and via Telehealth. Kim has been licensed for 30 years and has expertise in working with older adults and women issues. To learn more about Kim's practice and to read more of her articles visit her website: www.kimscottmft.com