Guest Article

The Power of Words: Rethinking How We Describe Aging

Kim Scott, LMFT

As I listened to Miley Cyrus's song, "I Used to Be Young," I found myself reflecting on the words we use to describe ourselves—and our clients—at different stages of life. The chorus goes:

"I know I used to be crazy
I know I used to be fun
You say I used to be wild
I say I used to be young."

"You tell me time has done changed me
That's fine, I've had a good run
I know I used to be crazy
That's 'cause I used to be young."

It's a catchy tune, but it got me thinking: does aging really mean we're no longer fun, wild, or crazy? Is "having a good run" the best we can hope for? I suspect the adjectives we often use to describe older adults are not only inaccurate but also pejorative. Words like "feeble," "decrepit," and "senile" come to mind. How often do we assume that aging means poor hearing, an inability to drive, or a lack of technological savvy? Meanwhile, younger people are often described as "energetic," "curious," "ambitious," or "dynamic." Sure, sometimes we refer to seniors as "wise," "experienced," or "dignified," but are any of these adjectives truly age-related? I know that not all seniors are wise, and not all young people are curious or energetic.

Breaking Down Age Stereotypes

In her book Breaking the Age Code: How Your Beliefs About Aging Determine How Long and Well You Live, Becca Levy, Ph.D., presents compelling research showing that our beliefs about aging can add or subtract nearly eight years to our lives. Dan Buettner, who studies communities where centenarians thrive, found that those who live the longest often have positive beliefs about their life expectancy. These beliefs influence not just our longevity but also our memory, recovery time, stress levels, and overall quality of life.

Unfortunately, age-related stereotypes are so deeply ingrained that we rarely question them. From a young age, we internalize these beliefs, which are often perpetuated by the media. For many young people, portrayals of seniors on TV and in movies might be their only exposure to older adults, making these negative stereotypes even more powerful. As we age, these beliefs can morph into self-stereotypes, becoming self-fulfilling prophecies.

Dr. Levy identifies three pathways through which negative age beliefs impact our health: behavioral, psychological, and biological.

Behaviorally, someone who views themselves as old, worn-out, or frail might adopt a more fatalistic outlook, making them less likely to seek medical care or follow through with healthy habits.  A healthcare provider who holds negative views of seniors might also be less likely to recommend tests, referrals, or aggressive treatments.

Psychologically, someone who feels like a burden or irrelevant might be too ashamed to ask for help or even take care of themselves. This mindset can lead to a "what's the point?" attitude, affecting both mental and physical health. From a biological standpoint, negative age beliefs can elevate stress levels and increase the production of stress hormones. Dr. Levy's research found that older adults with negative age beliefs had a 44% increase in cortisol over 30 years, while those with positive beliefs saw a 10% decline. Chronic stress, as we know, can accelerate the aging process and shorten lifespan.

Shifting the Narrative

To quote Carl Jung, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” This wisdom highlights the first step in improving our health, longevity, and quality of life: becoming aware of our negative age beliefs and helping our clients do the same. In Breaking the Age Code, Dr. Levy offers the ABC Method to confront negative age beliefs and encourage positive, life-affirming perspectives.

The "A" stands for Awareness. We can help our clients become aware of their beliefs by asking them to list the adjectives they use to describe themselves and other seniors. Are these words mostly negative, positive, balanced, or neutral? Next, we can guide them in distinguishing fact from fiction by comparing these adjectives to themselves, their friends, and their role models. Byron Katie's book Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life offers a helpful framework for challenging these thoughts:

1. Is this belief true? Does this stereotype truly describe you and all seniors?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true? Unless you know all seniors, you can’t possibly know if a stereotype is accurate.
3. How do you react, feel, or respond when you believe that thought?
4. Who or what would you be without the thought?  If you saw yourself through a strength-based lens, would you be more likely to engage in life?  Would you feel happier?

By encouraging our clients to examine their stereotypes about aging, we can begin to dismantle their limiting beliefs.

The "B" in Dr. Levy's process stands for Blame—or more precisely, identifying the real causes of ageist beliefs. For instance, are these beliefs rooted the media, societal stereotypes or what you learned in your family of origin?  In essence, we are utilizing the CBT skill of cognitive restructuring to assist our clients in identifying, evaluating for accuracy, and replace agist and distorted thoughts.

The "C" stands for Challenge. We can support our clients in challenging self-stereotypes using Byron Katie’s method or by replacing stereotypes with accurate information. A common example that comes up is when a senior brings an adult child to a doctor’s appointment, and the doctor addresses the adult child instead of the senior. We can encourage our clients to brainstorm ways to confront this practice in the future. Simply reminding the doctor to speak directly to them can be a powerful way to challenge this ageist behavior. Additionally, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) techniques can be particularly effective in helping clients identify and reshape these distorted thoughts.

The Takeaway

Negative age-related stereotypes are far from harmless. They affect our clients’ emotional well-being, self-care practices, and longevity. By helping our clients reframe their thoughts about aging, we can empower them to live fuller, healthier lives.

Kim Scott, LMFT is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist. She has a private practice in Granada Hills where she works with couples and individuals, in-person and via Telehealth. Kim has been licensed for 30 years and has expertise in working with older adults and women issues. To learn more about Kim's practice and to read more of her articles visit her website: www.kimscottmft.com