Member Article

7 Signs Your Marriage Is Over — And What to Do Next

Steven Unruh, MDiv, LMFT

You don’t wake up one morning and suddenly realize your marriage is gone. It happens slowly, quietly, between rushed mornings and unfinished conversations. One day you catch yourself sitting in your car long after you’ve parked—because going inside feels heavier than staying put. You wonder if this is just a rough season… or if it’s something deeper. That uncertainty creates a gap you desperately want to close, but you don’t know how.

When You’re Afraid Something Is Broken

There comes a point in many marriages where the day-to-day struggles—fighting, silence, resentment, avoidance—begin to feel like more than stress. They feel like symptoms.

On the surface, the issues look practical: constant arguments, no communication, limited affection, or a sense of living parallel lives instead of a shared one. But underneath those daily frustrations sits something harder to admit: the emotional exhaustion, the loneliness of being unseen in your own home, the fear of making the wrong choice and paying for it for years. And deeper still, there’s a quiet conviction that relationships shouldn’t drain a person or leave them feeling small. Marriage was meant to be a partnership, not a battlefield or a cage.

But it doesn’t have to stay this way. There is a different path—and it begins with clarity.

A Clearer Way Forward

As a divorce mediator and therapist with more than 30 years of experience helping individuals and couples navigate some of the most painful transitions of their lives, I’ve seen thousands of people sit exactly where you may be sitting now—unsure, overwhelmed, and torn between loyalty and self-preservation.

I care deeply about helping you gain clarity, peace, and a healthier next step, whether that step means repairing your marriage or ending it with dignity. Today, I want to help you recognize the signs that your marriage may be ending… and what you can do about it.

1. Conversations Feel Impossible

If every discussion turns into an argument—or if you’ve stopped talking altogether—communication may have broken beyond everyday stress. When small topics explode into large fights or are avoided entirely, it’s often because deeper emotional needs aren’t being met. This persistent breakdown is one of the strongest indicators that something fundamental has shifted.

2. You No Longer Want to Spend Time Together

Healthy couples seek connection. When you find yourself making excuses to stay late at work, spending more time in separate rooms, or feeling relief when your partner is gone, it’s a sign the emotional bond may be deteriorating. When the relationship becomes an obligation rather than a refuge, distance can quietly become permanent.

3. Trust Is Damaged—And Not Rebuilding

Trust doesn’t disappear only through affairs. It erodes through broken promises, dismissive behavior, secrecy, and disrespect. If trust has been compromised and months or years go by without meaningful repair, the foundation of the marriage weakens. A relationship without trust eventually becomes a relationship without safety.

4. You’ve Stopped Trying to Fix Things

There’s a point where apathy takes the place of anger. When one or both partners no longer have the desire to work on issues—no couple’s counseling, no attempts to reconnect, no real discussions about change—it’s often because the emotional investment has already left. When hope disappears, staying together becomes a form of emotional stagnation.

5. The Marriage Is Affecting Your Health

Sleepless nights, chronic stress, anxiety, or persistent sadness can all signal deeper relational distress. If your mental or physical health is deteriorating because of your marriage, it’s important to pay attention. Your body often recognizes the truth before your mind is ready to accept it.

6. You Can’t Envision a Future Together

When you think ahead—five years, ten years—does your partner feel like part of the picture? If you imagine future plans alone, or you feel dread rather than comfort envisioning life together, it often means the emotional connection has already shifted.

7. You Feel More Yourself When Your Partner Isn’t Around

Maybe you feel lighter, clearer, or more at peace when you’re away. Maybe you notice your energy drop the moment you walk into the same room. This isn’t something to ignore. When your sense of identity grows only outside the marriage, it’s a sign the relationship is no longer supporting who you are.

When Ending a Marriage Feels Overwhelming

If you’re realizing your marriage may be over, it’s natural to feel fear, guilt, or confusion. You may worry about finances, the kids, losing your home, or the possibility of conflict. Many people also worry about turning their life upside down only to face a courtroom battle.

But facing the truth about your marriage doesn’t mean chaos must follow. There is a calmer, more respectful option.

Mediation allows couples to untangle their lives without the high cost, emotional destruction, and adversarial nature of litigation. Mediation creates:

• A quieter, more private process
• More control over your outcomes
• Less stress for children
• A quicker and more affordable resolution
• A collaborative approach rather than a combative one

You don’t have to destroy each other in order to separate your lives.

A New Beginning Starts With One Step

If these signs resonated with you, or if you’re simply unsure what to do next, you don’t have to face the uncertainty alone. I’m here to help you get clarity, understand your options, and move toward a healthier future—whether that means rebuilding your marriage or ending it peacefully.

Take the Next Step
Let’s talk through your situation, reduce your overwhelm, and help you take back control of your life. You deserve clarity, stability, and a future where you feel like yourself again.

Your next chapter doesn’t have to be painful. It can be peaceful, grounded, and filled with hope—starting with one conversation.

Steven Unruh, MA, MDiv, is a Divorce Mediator and LMFT. He and his team at Unruh Mediation complete the entire divorce process, including all assets, pensions, properties, alimony and child support—along with all required documentation. Unruh Mediation files in 13 different courthouses throughout Southern California. Website: stevenunruh.com