Guest Article

Finding Peace and Belonging: EMDR for Older Adults

Kim Scott, LMFT

As our clients journey through the later chapters of life, the aging process often brings a blend of opportunities for reflection and unique emotional challenges. For some, the weight of past experiences or fears about the future can cast a long shadow over the present. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) offers a compassionate and effective approach to helping older adults navigate these challenges, creating space for healing, growth, and renewed clarity. EMDR can also complement other therapeutic modalities, adding depth to our work.

At its core, EMDR supports clients in reprocessing emotionally charged memories that continue to impact their current thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. By addressing the memories, emotional intensity, and vividness, EMDR helps to release negative beliefs that clients may have internalized. For example, an older adult estranged from their children might unconsciously adopt the painful belief that they are unlovable, even when the reality of the situation is far more nuanced.

Some of the most common emotionally charged experiences that EMDR can help older clients address include: 

• Grief and trauma related to the loss of loved ones.
• Fears surrounding mortality and end-of-life concerns.
• Medical traumas and associated anxieties.
• Regret over past decisions or unresolved conflicts.

Aging often comes with profound losses. By their senior years, clients may have said goodbye to parents, a spouse, dear friends, and perhaps even a child. While these losses naturally call for grief, they can also stir deeper fears about what lies ahead. For instance, a client who witnessed a parent’s painful final years following a stroke may live with a persistent fear that they will face a similar fate. This can lead to sleepless nights and worries about who will care for them if they become ill.

Similarly, clients who have watched friends face terminal illnesses may begin to wrestle with their own mortality. Questions about the unknown—Will it be painful? Will it be prolonged? Will I be alone?—can linger. These fears often carry a deeper existential layer: Has my life been meaningful? Will anyone remember me when I’m gone?

Beyond the memories themselves, the beliefs clients form around these experiences are often stored as unresolved trauma. These Negative Cognitions become part of their narrative, shaping how they view themselves and their place in the world.

Francine Shapiro, the founder of EMDR Therapy, identified the following four key categories of Negative Cognition in her book, "Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy: Basic Principles, Protocols, and Procedures”:

• Responsibility/Defectiveness (Self-Worth/Shame): Beliefs such as “I am bad,” “I am unlovable,” or “I don’t matter” reflect feelings of inherent inadequacy or shame.
• Responsibility/Action (Action/Guilt): These beliefs center on guilt or personal failure, expressed as “It was all my fault,” “I am inadequate,” or “I am weak.”
• Control/Choices: When clients feel powerless, they may hold beliefs like “I am helpless,” “I am powerless,” or “I can’t handle this.”
• Connection/Belonging: These beliefs—such as “I can’t connect,” “I am invisible,” or “I am alone”—are often rooted in isolation, loneliness, or the effects of ageism, which is especially significant for older clients.

As a certified EMDR therapist, I regularly work with clients to transform their internalized negative beliefs into ones that foster self-worth, strength, and belonging. Through EMDR, clients can begin to recognize the irrationality of these beliefs not only on a cognitive level but also on a deeply felt emotional level. This process helps them not only change how they think about themselves but also how they feel about themselves.

A key part of this transformation involves helping clients articulate a Positive Cognition—a belief they would rather hold about themselves. For example, instead of “I don’t belong,” a client might work toward embracing “I can belong” or “I deserve to belong.” These positive beliefs provide a direction for therapy and serve as anchors for a more compassionate and empowered self-view.

It’s important to remember that the brain retains the capacity for change and growth regardless of age. EMDR harnesses this potential, helping older clients unpack, process, and reframe distressing memories, fears, and losses.

When working with older clients, most aspects of EMDR remain the same as with any adult, but there are a few important considerations:

• Resource Development: Focus on building emotional resources so clients can manage and compartmentalize the material processed between sessions. This is especially important for clients who live alone or have limited social support.
• Pacing: Move at a pace that is comfortable for the client, taking a gradual approach when needed.
• Physical Accommodations: Ensure that clients with physical challenges are comfortable and adapt bilateral stimulation methods to suit their needs.
• Memory Considerations: Reassure clients that exact memories or details are not as important as the felt experience during EMDR.
• Connection/Belonging: Pay special attention to this category, as isolation and loneliness can significantly impact older clients’ sense of belonging.

Grief, loss, end-of-life concerns, medical traumas, and regrets are common themes among older clients. EMDR provides a pathway to release the weight of these fears and unresolved experiences, helping clients build resilience and discover new perspectives. Through this process, clients can cultivate a sense of peace, connection, and meaning as they reflect on their lives.

Kim Scott, LMFT is a licensed marriage, family and child therapist. She has a private practice in Granada Hills where she works with couples and individuals, in-person and via Telehealth. Kim has been licensed for 30 years and has expertise in working with older adults and women issues. To learn more about Kim's practice and to read more of her articles visit her website: www.kimscottmft.com