It’s Just A Co-Dependent Love Song

“One comes to believe whatever one repeats to oneself sufficiently often, whether the statement be true or false.”

                           — Robert Collier  

Years ago, I heard singer-songwriter named Scott Kalechstein sing a clever, paraphrased version of “It’s Just an Old Fashioned Love Song” called “It’s Just a Co-Dependent Love Song.” That made me laugh, but it also made me think. I loved all those old torchy, hurt-so-bad love songs and sang them all the time. Whenever I felt blue, I just put on some records or strummed my guitar and wailed. I sang “Crazy,” “Single Girl,” “Don’t Think Twice,” “Too Far Gone,” “Am I Blue,” “Mean to Me”. . . get the picture?

It is emotionally satisfying to sing the blues now and again. But every day? It didn’t cross my mind that, if sung too often, these songs could act as negative affirmations. I just wondered why my love life was a mess . . .

Think about the songs you’re walking around singing. What’s the message you’re giving yourself? Are they positive affirmations, joyful songs? Or heart-breaking, emotional downers? (Not to mention the violent rapper songs. Better to channel all that anger and rebellion into music than into mayhem in the streets, but I wouldn’t be singing along if I were you.)

Songs are speaking your word, and your word is powerful. Now I make sure to counteract the blues by also singing songs like “I’m All Right,” “Happy Talk,” “I Feel Lucky,” “It’s My Life” and “Thank You For Loving Me.”

Why not write your own positive song or change the lyrics to a favorite tune? If you change lyrics to a tune, it must be an already upbeat song, or your subconscious memory of the negative words will impede your progress. A friend of mine had rewritten the lyrics to “Lemon Tree” to be “Money Tree,” but when I sang it, I always remembered the word “impossible” in the song. I didn’t want the word “impossible” connected with my money, so I had to stop singing that one.

Here’s a song most people know that we can rewrite for our purposes: Change the word “birthday” to “money” in the song “Happy Birthday.” I think singing “Happy money to me” is a great affirmation! Sing it today!

Today’s Affirmation:
“Happy money to me! Happy money to me!”

Chinese New Year Money Tree at Bellagio

When you stop to think about it, you can start becoming aware of all the negative things you tell yourself on a regular basis, like singing sad songs. It’s fine to roll in the mud sometimes—there is a resonance in shared sorrows that brings people together in compassionate understanding. But too much time there will just make you depressed.

The daily news of stock market gyrations—is it another bubble or not, whether or not there’s another recession coming, warnings about the continuing lack of affordable housing, consumer debt, lack of retirement savings and high unemployment, makes us want to start singing the old Depression-era song “Brother Can You Spare a Dime.” And all the Tuna out there are joining in that chorus.

But if you’re here reading this, you aren’t a Tuna, you’re a Dolphin. You don’t follow the crowd down the rabbit hole of gloom and doom, but swim through the waves happily and in communication with your fellow Dolphins, finding your fish, and jumping for joy.

Now is the time you can have a positive effect on the people around you and the economy. Sing your happy song for all you’re worth. Look at the blessings in your life and celebrate them. Don’t focus on your fears of what you don’t want, but relish creating what you DO want, for that’s what you will manifest in your future.

Sure, you can join the crowd of Tuna, wailing about the paper loss on your balance sheet when your home’s value goes down a bit, watch the negative news reports or the arguing politicians, feel the fear of financial insecurity and visualize your future as a bag lady or homeless guy on the street.

Or instead, you can discipline yourself to focus on your goals, visualizing being happy and rich, having plenty of money, overflowing bank accounts, a jam-packed client roster, plenty of time off for family, friends, and vacations. See yourself in fancy dress in rich surroundings, on an emerald-green golf course, on a Mediterranean cruise, strolling the streets of Paris, laughing with loved ones, fine dining at five-star restaurants, building your dream house in the mountains, lying on a sparkling white beach near crystal clear oceans.

To paraphrase the Dylan Thomas poem—minds, hold you poison or grapes?

Songs are speaking your word, and your word is powerful. 

Chellie Campbell, Financial Stress Reduction Expert, is the author of bestselling books The Wealthy Spirit, Zero to Zillionaire, and most recently From Worry to Wealthy: A Woman’s Guide to Financial Success Without the Stress. She is widely quoted in major media including Redbook, Good Housekeeping and more than 50 popular books. She has been treating Money Disorders like Spending Bulimia and Income Anorexia in her Financial Stress Reduction® Workshops for over 25 years. Her website is www.chellie.com.