How to Survive the Holidays During Covid: 
My 2-Step Plan to Stay Sane this December

The Holidays are always stressful—for clients and therapists!

First there’s the question of infection. Who might have Covid-19? Who might give it to grandma, or to immuno-compromised Uncle Joe? How long should everyone quarantine before getting together, and if and when should everyone be tested?

That alone is enough to tap out your ability to handle logistics.

Then there’s the usual holiday stuff. How long are the adult children going to stay? Where will everyone sleep? How much food to buy? It goes on and on and on . . .

But this year the issues are different. This holiday season we are also dealing with Covid-19.

This year many of us have family we won’t be able to see. Either they are worried about exposure during traveling or they are worried about exposing other family members if they do come. Some of us have loved ones who are sick at home or in the hospital. This can make all the other holiday issues pale in comparison.

As therapists, we have an additional challenge. Our emotional reserves may already be tapped out by now. Even those of us who work mostly with clients who are not deeply distressed have seen our clients’ anxiety levels skyrocket. This can suck the emotional energy out of anyone, and every therapist I have spoken to these days is suffering from some stage of burnout.

As I try to serve my clients, take care of my family, and keep my own sanity, I find it’s absolutely necessary to whittle down my expectations.

Here are the two things I find to be most helpful to remember—my success rate varies, and yours will, too!

1. Get Enough Sleep

It’s such a simple thing, and so easily discounted.

Without enough sleep, there is no way I can successfully regulate my emotions. When I haven’t had enough sleep, I don’t always feel tired—I feel cranky. I snap easily, and I can’t focus or think clearly. It’s a recipe for disaster.

My own strategy

I’m a night owl— I see clients until 9pm, and then often work or write for a couple of hours after. To wind down, I love to lose myself in a good tv show. It’s the best way for me to get out of my own head and give myself a little reward. This is the story I tell myself, anyway!

What I know is that it is unhealthy to have screen time just before bed; it can upset your circadian rhythm and disturb your sleep. This is the time of year where I try to be really disciplined about nighttime screen time, in the name of pure survival. I make sure I have several good books on hand—something psychology-related, a mystery, historical fiction, light humor. That way I can choose something to read each night that fits my mood. I also have one of those tiny book lights so that I can both set the mood with low light and also turn it off by barely moving when I drop off to sleep while reading!

One of my favorite books this year was local LA therapist Lori Gottlieb’s memoir, Maybe You Should Talk to Someone. It’s both heartwarming and funny—a compelling read!

I also like reading my Kindle paperwhite—even though it’s a screen, it looks like paper, it doesn’t emit the same blue light as a phone or laptop, and I can make the backlight quite low. That way I can order books on the library app, Libby, and not even have to pay for them. If you don’t have this app already, you should check it out!

You can also “take out” audio books on Libby. Audio books can be a great way to end your day as you fall asleep, and they are also helpful if you wake up in the middle of the night. I find that listening to an interesting book when I wake up at 2 am can sometimes be enough to engage my spinning mind on something other than my “To Do” list, or all the things I wish I’d done differently which are my usual go-to thoughts at 2am!

2. Let Go

Plan the things that are important and let the rest go. This works best when you spend some time beforehand really isolating the critical factors for your holiday. Think about your core values, and what best expresses them this month. Keep the list short!

The most important thing for me at Christmas is for the family to feel connected and supported.

I learned long ago that producing a perfect Christmas dinner was not what really made people feel connected. We had a much better outcome when we spent the day cooking together, and some things turned out badly (Mom, I forgot the sugar in the pie!) than we did when I did everything myself in my own overly-detailed way in order to make everything “perfect.” (I also buy frozen pies as a back-up!)

Identify the truly important things, and let everything else happen as it may.

Some of the things that I’ve learned over time are not important:

• Perfect meals
• Perfect decorations
• Perfect wrapping
• Perfect outfit (or hair, nails, etc.)
• Perfect Insta photos

Some of the things that are important:

• Togetherness while doing different things (aka “hanging out”)
• Shared activities
• Traditions—both small and large.
• A couple of candid shots that portray the feeling of the moment.

Keep your list short! When you start to stress about something, remember to ask yourself, “Is it on the short list?”

Trust me—you will be surprised at what you won’t miss if you take a risk and let it go!

Of course, these are all ideas that you can share with your clients. That will not only make them less stressed, but should also translate into an easier job for you in the therapist’s chair this year!

Happy Holidays to All of Us!

This article was previously published in Voices, December 2020.

Amy McManus, LMFT, helps anxious young adults build healthy new relationships with themselves and others after a breakup. Amy’s blog, “Life Hacks,” offers practical tips for thriving in today’s crazy plugged-in world. Learn more about Amy from her website www.thrivetherapyla.com.