Quality Friendship: How to Recognize a Friend Who Is Good For You, Part 1

If you have suffered from an eating disorder, PTSD, anxiety or any hardship that has distorted your perceptions about the personality or character traits of other people, you may not recognize the qualities of a good friendship. Past emotional wounds can leave you doubting the motivations of others. You may be in an almost constant state of mistrust. You need a reliable criterion to evaluate your friendships or potential friendships.

A good friendship can have a positive and uplifting impact on your life. It's important to recognize the signs of a healthy and supportive friendship. Moreover, being with a good friend can teach you how to be a good friend yourself.

Signs of a Good Friendship, Part 1

Trust and Reliability
In a good friendship, there is a strong foundation of trust. You can rely on your friend to keep promises, be there for you in times of need, and maintain confidentiality. Trust is the foundation of a strong friendship. You and your friend have confidence in each other's honesty, loyalty, and dependability. You can trust them with your secrets, rely on them to keep their commitments, and feel assured that they have your best interests at heart.

Example: Your friend keeps your confidential conversations private and follows through on their promises to meet up or help you with something.

Mutual Respect
There is a high level of respect between both friends. You appreciate each other's opinions, boundaries, and individuality. Respect is shown through kind and considerate behavior. You value each other's autonomy. Respect is shown through kind and considerate behavior, even when you may have differing viewpoints.

Example: You engage in discussions without belittling or dismissing each other's ideas. You appreciate and acknowledge each other's perspectives.

Open Communication: 
Healthy friendships are built on open and honest communication. You feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns, and your friend listens to you without judgment. Both of you can communicate openly and resolve conflicts in a respectful manner. You feel comfortable expressing your thoughts, feelings, and concerns to your friend, knowing that they will listen attentively and respond with care. Both of you can discuss issues, resolve conflicts, and provide feedback without fear of judgment.

Example: You can have a heart-to-heart conversation about a problem in your friendship, and both of you actively listen and work together to find a resolution.

Support and Encouragement
A good friend supports and encourages your personal growth and success. They celebrate your achievements, provide a shoulder to lean on during challenging times, and offer constructive advice when needed. They celebrate your achievements, offer encouragement during difficult times, and provide a safe space for you to share your aspirations and dreams. They believe in your abilities and motivate you to reach your potential.

Example: Your friend attends your important events, cheers you on when you accomplish a goal, and offers words of encouragement and motivation when you face challenges.

Shared Interests and Activities
Good friends often have common interests and enjoy spending time together engaging in activities they both enjoy. Shared hobbies, outings, or experiences contribute to the bond and create lasting memories. Whether it's a shared passion, or simply hanging out and having fun, shared experiences strengthen the bond and create lasting memories.

Example: You and your friend go hiking together, play a sport you both love, or enjoy watching movies and discussing them afterwards.

Empathy and Understanding
Your friend shows empathy and understanding towards your feelings and experiences. They try to put themselves in your shoes, offer a listening ear, and provide emotional support when you need it. They listen attentively, validate your emotions, and offer support and comfort when you're going through a tough time. They offer you a compassionate perspective.

Example: When you're feeling down, your friend actively listens, offers a shoulder to lean on, and provides words of empathy and understanding, making you feel heard and supported.

Non-Judgmental Attitude
A good friend accepts you for who you are without judgment. They embrace your strengths and weaknesses and do not criticize or belittle you. You feel comfortable being yourself around them. They embrace your strengths and weaknesses, celebrate your uniqueness, and do not criticize or belittle you for your choices or imperfections. You feel safe and comfortable being yourself around them.

Example: Your friend appreciates your quirks, understands your flaws, and loves you unconditionally, without trying to change you.

Equality and Reciprocity
There is a sense of equality and balance in your friendship. You both contribute to the relationship, take turns supporting each other, and invest time and effort into maintaining the connection.  The give-and-take dynamic is present, ensuring that both parties feel valued and appreciated.

Example: You and your friend take turns initiating plans, offering help, and being there for each other. There is a balanced effort in nurturing your friendship.

Healthy Boundaries
Good friends respect each other's boundaries and understand that everyone needs personal space and time apart. They do not overstep boundaries or impose their opinions on one another. They allow each other to have individual preferences and needs.

Example: Your friend respects your need for alone time and doesn't pressure you when you need space. They understand and honor your boundaries.

Longevity and Consistency
A good friendship stands the test of time. It is not based solely on convenience or situational factors. Good friends remain supportive and present through various stages of life, and the friendship remains consistent over time. Good friends remain supportive and present through various stages of life, adapting to changes and maintaining the connection.

Example: Even if life circumstances change, such as marriages, child birth, moving to different cities or countries, pursuing different interests, vocations, or hobbies they stay in touch and maintain the friendship. You and your friend make the effort to honor the enduring nature of your friendship.

Friendships can evolve and change over time, and it's important to nurture and communicate with your friend to maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Friendships require ongoing effort and nurturing. By recognizing and appreciating these signs of a good friendship, you can cultivate and strengthen the bond, leading to a fulfilling and supportive relationship.

Joanna Poppink, LMFT, psychotherapist, speaker, and author of Healing Your Hungry Heart: Recovering from Your Eating Disorder, is in private practice and specializes in Eating Disorder Recovery for adult women and with an emphasis on building a fulfilling life beyond recovery. She is licensed in California, Florida, Oregon, and Utah. All appointments are virtual. Website: EatingDisorderRecovery.net