Lost After College? What Do I Do Now? Where Do I Belong? What Career Is Right for Me?

In my over 30 years as a psychotherapist in private practice, these are the questions I have heard through the years from clients in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and even their 60s. The transition from the safe structure of college, university or trade school can be very daunting.

All of a sudden, the real, big world is out there and where do you belong? There are no classes; there are no dorms; there are no supportive professors and teachers to provide comfort and familiarity. Most of the friends you made have graduated and scattered to various locales or are still in school. No more living in frat or sorority houses, being with familiar friends every day. It is time to be a grown up, go out into the real world and enter that career and/or job which will provide for you financially, emotionally and spiritually.

There are counselors available on campus, but the transition from classes you enjoy to actually working in the field may not be a good fit. I changed my major three times, discussed the choices with professors, but they were not therapists or career counselors, and didn’t really know me, that inner person who didn’t really know herself.

Many people start looking for a job in their chosen profession, but often what they thought they wanted to do doesn’t really fit who they are. They feel disappointed, disoriented, dispirited and terrified that they won’t be able to support themselves, pay off their college loans, and worst of all, will not find and express their special gifts and talents.

So, what is needed to make that big transition from school to the real world a success for all concerned…the job/career seeker, the employer and the parents who expect success for their offspring?

I have found through years of experience helping clients through the transition from the safety of school to the reality of the big world outside, that a willingness to really explore who they are, the family system in which they grew up, the successes and failures in their lives, their dreams for the future, and what they came into this Life to do, is absolutely necessary. What is their special gift and talent? How can they be of service by shining their light with love, wisdom and understanding?

To successfully make that big transition from school to the real world, you need to ask yourself—and answer—the following questions.

Where do you want to live? Have you chosen a profession like the communications media or the film and television industry which necessitates your living in a big city like NYC, Los Angeles or San Francisco? Does big city living work for you or do you prefer a smaller city or even the country? Where will you work? If you are in the medical field, doctor, dentist, nurse, where are the best career opportunities for your specialty?

I just saw a client this morning who is quite disturbed by the financial pressures he is dealing with in his large manufacturing company. “I wish in the 80s that I had taken that $400k that I invested in starting my company and invested in real estate instead. I wish I knew then what I know now.” He went on to say that most people don’t really like the work/job they have and just go through life painfully earning a living. Of course, I disagreed. However, I knew how his family background had influenced his belief system. He had received little, if any, emotional support and guidance from his father, and had been criticized by him on a daily basis.

How different his attitude and success in life would be if he had had a nurturing father, but if not that, at least a great therapist to guide him after college.

How can we possibly make positive decisions re our careers if we have no idea what our special gifts, talents and creative desires are? I have a friend who just retired from a 40-year legal career. He was a tremendous success financially, a multi-millionaire, but confessed to me that he had hated being an attorney. How sad for him. With his intelligence and talents, he could have been just as successful financially if he had been kind to himself and done some inner exploration. Not for him. He is terrified of therapists and warns our friends not to be open with me as “Leila will get into you and find out all about you.” I have known him for 40 years and he is one of my dear friends. But he prides himself on being inscrutable. 

Ten years ago, I was counseling a recent graduate from a prestigious university. He had majored in business, planning a career in the sales field, encouraged by his father who had attained great success in the business world. During the months, I worked with him as his therapist, I realized that he was not gifted in the sales field, nor did he even like it. He was doing it to please his powerful father. I told him everything I had observed about him clearly told me that his talents and gifts were in the field of psychotherapy. He was taken aback, aghast at the thought of disappointing his father and soon left therapy. 

A few years later, he called me for an appointment, came in and proceeded to tell me that what I had observed about him was correct and would I please write a letter of recommendation to his graduate school where he planned to pursue a Master’s Degree in Marriage and Family Therapy. He got the degree, is quite successful, and very much at peace with the positive direction his life has taken. It took a lot of courage for him to really question his family system and the roles he had unconsciously played. His unhappiness compelled him to step out of what seemed to be a “comfort zone” and really explore who he was and how best to serve himself and the world.

I hope this article will be a beacon of light to those making the difficult transition from high school, trade school or college. We need to really commit to our future success, serenity and happiness by courageously taking that inner journey which will help us discover where we fit in, where to shine our light, where and how to serve who world with our special gifts. Finding an excellent psychotherapist is the first step to take in discovering our true selves. It’s a fantastic path which will open up a whole new world of wonder.

Leila Aboohamad, LMFT, is a psychotherapist practicing in Brentwood, Santa Monica and West Los Angeles, California. She specializes in helping individuals and couples create successful, committed loving relationships. She has studied and practiced spirituality and mindfulness for over 35 years. Leila also works with gifted, talented and creative adults helping them to identify and share their special gifts and passions with the world. Website: www.leilalmft.com.