Parenting Schedule Strategies for
Christmas & Winter Break

The holidays that occur near the end of the year, whether we’re talking about Thanksgiving, Hanukkah or Christmas, are wonderful, warm times to get together with family and enjoy special times together for many people. However, for divorced or divorcing parents the holidays often cause a lot of stress and/or loneliness due to the uncertainty of how they will handle these special times and whether they will be able to continue previous traditions with their children.

The idea of not having their children for part, or sometimes even all, of a given cherished holiday is often an overwhelming thought to a newly divorcing parent. And then when you add in extended family commitments, previous family traditions, new romantic partners and just the overall franticness of the Holiday Season, unfortunately this often makes it difficult for divorced parents to navigate all this in a healthy, constructive manner.

This is why having a specific, balanced plan for when the children will be with each parent during the holidays can be so helpful for divorced parents. Discussing and coming up with a plan that works for both parents as well as the children well in advance of the holidays helps provide clarity and therefore lower friction between the parents. It also helps by lowering anxiety over when the parents will be able to celebrate these special times with their children.

When it comes to Christmas and the two-week winter break, I often start with two general structures for clients:

1.    Micro
This is where we focus on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day as well as a couple days before and after

2.    Macro

This is where we divide the two-week break into Week 1 and Week 2. Generally, each parent gets one of these weeks and they alternate the weeks every other year.

Micro

The Micro approach generally works well for clients that will not be traveling out of town and therefore don’t need an extended period of time. The major benefit of this approach is that both parents get some of this special time with the children every year. Often times, one parent gets “Christmas Eve” and the other parent gets “Christmas Day”—and then the parents alternate which parent gets each of these special days every other year.

However, I also have plenty of clients that, either based on their culture or family tradition, prefer to have one or the other days every year. I generally encourage my clients to add at least a day or two to both “Christmas Eve” and “Christmas Day.”

By adding a day or two to each of the special days, the parent who gets “Christmas Eve” has a day or two ahead of time to find some creative ways to celebrate with the children and the parent who has “Christmas Day” has some time afterwards to relax with the children and enjoy playing with them and their new toys.

Macro

The Macro approach generally works well for clients who want to travel out of town to see family living in other states. Of course, the downside is that the parents only get the special time that is generally in Week 1 every other year. However, for clients that want to make sure their children spend significant time with, and really get to know, extended family in other areas, this approach can work very well.

These two approaches are just the beginning of coming up with very specific, customized plan based on each family’s individual needs. For example, it’s not unusual to come up with a hybrid of the two approaches where they go with the Micro approach when both parents will be staying local while allowing for either parent to use the Macro approach every 2-3 years.

The bottom line is that by proactively addressing how to handle the Holiday Season and coming up with a balanced approach, we can find something that works for everyone involved.

When it comes to Hanukkah, it can be a bit more challenging since the dates for Hanukkah are not as static as December 25. Therefore, coming up with something uniform that works every year can take a little more time to work out. However, by exploring what is most important to the parents as well as the fact that there are 8 nights to work with, we are generally able to come up with something that works for everyone.

Watching videos like these Thanksgiving Options and Christmas Options videos can provide divorced parents with multiple options for how to go about arranging the time around Thanksgiving and Christmas.

As is typical in divorce mediation, mediators working together with the parents, try to balance the interests of both parents, as well as the children, in coming up with a detailed approach that will allow both parents to spend time with their children during these family holidays.

Feel free to share the Thanksgiving Options and Christmas Options videos with your clients if you believe they would be helpful in making workable parenting schedules for Christmas and Winter Break.

Barry Davis, Divorce Mediator, Founder of Davis Mediation, has been helping clients get through the divorce process in the most amicable, affordable manner possible for 16 years. His passion is keeping children out of the middle of divorce so they can grow up healthy. As a divorce mediator, Barry holds Masters Degrees in Clinical Psychology and Conflict Management and has served on the Torrance Family Court and Second Appellate District mediation panels. For more information and resources, visit www.DavisMediation.com or Davis Divorce Mediation’s YouTube Channel.